Adam [BOOK ONE]

XXVI

"Jaquan," I called loudly, "open up."

There was some shuffling, but the hotel door didn't open. I didn't blame him, what we went through was rough. I couldn't imagine being a young, black man with no guidance. No father figure to truly look up to.

"I'm not leaving until we talk."

The door suddenly swung open, "if you're here to scold me, save it, mom's already been here."

"I'm not," I sighed, "in here to make sure you're okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I raised an eyebrow, "you don't think last night was kind of intense? Or do you not remember?"

"No, I do, but I would rather forget. Not about what I said, because it was true, I'd just rather forget about him."

"Do you want to have breakfast with me? We throw back some mimosas and reminisce."

A smile managed to break across, "let me get my coat."

The breakfast place we decided on was cozy. It wasn't far from where we were staying and it had great reviews. The inside reminded me of my grandmother's house warm and inviting with the delicious smells of food cooking. We were seated and then proceeded to order.

"You sure you need more alcohol," I teased as Jaquan downed one fluke of alcohol.

"Last night wasn't that bad."

"That bad," I repeated sarcastically, "dad almost had a heart attack after you left. It shouldn't have been funny, but-"

"You laughed."

"Adam thought I was being insensitive."

"Yeah, well he doesn't know hard times like we do."

"Yeah," I said distantly.

"Does he not realize or does he not care? I mean he brings this younger woman and he sits her in front of us like we're just suppose to be okay with this. He made our lives hell Elena."

"I know, I was there too. I put up with the same shit you did our parents were the poster children for dysfunction. But how long are we going to let this run our lives?"

He rolled his eyes, "here comes the pastor. If I wanted to forgive, I would have. He doesn't deserve forgiveness and if we're being very honest, neither does mom."

"Jaquan-"

"They brought three children into this world knowing they didn't have their shit together. Do you know how much pain Jacoby was in before he died and then to have to sit there and listen to your parents fight every night while you're on your fucking death bed."

"You're not wrong, but-"

"No, let go of your delusions. Your parents are not good people, stop living in fantasy and recognize that."

"I'm not living in fantasy I'm refusing to have my life defined by my childhood. I could be bitter I'm hurting just like you, but I've let go. Bottling shit up is not healthy and it's not productive. Dad's getting married whether we care or not so what are we going to do? Bitch about it or grow up and deal with it?"

He paused, "when Ally told me she was pregnant I was so scared. I was so scared we would become like them. I was scared I'd be the horrible father my dad was, I was terrified. And then I held Amir for the first time I felt nothing but love and devotion and I knew I had to be different. I have let it go and that's why it's so upsetting, because I had to forgive him. He doesn't have to forgive himself but if I don't forgive him, it'll eat me alive. In what world is that fair?"