Delicate Deception (On Hold)

Chapter 3: Raw Silence

My eyes scanned the taunting words over and over again as if they could somehow disappear from under my sharp gaze.

"The flight's in six hours?" I bristled, the exclamation coming out louder than anticipated.

"Lucky for you, yes. Your Father granted you a week of vacation time, while the lot of us are scheduled to arrive later. He even hired someone to watch over Zikomo, so you've got nothing to worry about."

I shook my head, his ignorance, once again, trouncing his intelligence.

"So I'm lucky to be going on a trip to a country eleven hours away, all the while, leaving my child in the care of a complete stranger for three weeks?"

His eyes roamed over my clenched fists, defensive stance. I forced myself to relax the tensed muscles, a difficult task in the midst of such a lethal conversation.

"No," his face was set, having read the sarcasm in my voice, "You deserve time off from taking care of a child you didn't even want to have."

For a moment I was silent, not quite believing what he'd just admitted. Not quite believing that he'd yield the weapon of my lost memories against me.

"And this...this is the exact reason why I never allowed it to happen after that first time." My tone brimmed with cold fury, one that had iced over the existence of compassion within me.

It was a mistake. I had desperately clung to the part of me that yearned for something more. Yearned to fill the void in me. The void that had only grown heavier since that momentous day.

Deep down, a part of me had confirmed the essence of what we were- was too lifeless to be deemed pure. No desire. No lust. Just physical touches that did nothing but enveloped me in a thick air of disgust. Disgust, for pushing myself. For giving him the part of me I deigned sacred.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to vocalize my thoughts any further, but knowing it was necessary. He deserved an explanation.

"You wanted me, and you made it obvious. But that was always the problem, Jack," I was unfeeling, had been for a while now, "You want me...and only me. Not Ziko, who you will never see to as your own."

I picked up the flowers, gently pushing them up against his chest.

"Leave."

And he did. Without a word, without objection. And for that, I was grateful.

I threw my head back and held in the desire to yell until my throat was raw and burning. Too many complications had arisen, most of which I'd locked away deep down where they could not be more of a hindrance. But that was starting to take a toll on my mind, the ugliness of those feelings so intense that I found myself struggling to breath.

Once again, I told myself this wasn't the time, and stalked over to where my phone lay, dialing my soon-to-be saviour's number.

"Miss Mabel? I need a favor..."

"I'm sorry, honey. I can't. I do have a life, as much as that statement seems false at times," she said with pity after I'd explained the situation. I thanked her before hanging up, knowing full well I was being selfish by choosing to ask in the first place.

My attention fell upon a contact picture, taken just two years ago, at the Rio de Janeiro. My elation at exploring this foreign country was palpable, almost striking in that moment. I didn't think twice before clicking on the contact name.

"Dad, you know I can't take that extra week," I contentiously whispered as soon as he picked up.

"I was awaiting this call."

I reigned in my anger and exhaustion at his placid reponse, knowing the two together made a lethal grouping.

"You know Ziko won't stay with anyone other than Miss Mabel."

"Take him with you."

"And put him in danger?"

"The first week is strictly time off. I've hired someone who is to stay with you on the flight, show you around, etc. The rest of us will arrive later. Zikomo will never be in danger."

I pushed mute before grumbling a long list of expletives that I did not want him to hear. I could either leave Ziko for two weeks, or take him with me for three, much of which he'd be protected by me or another Phantom. Neither option was simple, but one was moderately more favorable than the other, and so, with little protest, I agreed.

"That didn't take much convincing," Father said, amusement lacing his tone. I only shook my head, waiting for him to continue.

"A human male named Orias will meet you at your gate. The backstory he's been given, along with the agenda you are to uphold, will be sent to you soon. Do not...do not, under any circumstances, make a move of any sort. We are to gather information, the identity of this ruthless creature. Only then will we plan further."

"Thanks, Dad; I understand. See you in two weeks."

He repeated similar statements to me before hanging up.

One week of vacation and one week of investigating alone, two endowments granted to me by Father. He was surely feeling the remorse, and I didn't question it one bit.

--

"Ziko, it's time to go," I said soothingly, having packed both of our bags while he'd colored.

Two hours until the flight, and with nothing left to do, I was ready to head out.

"I get to fly a plane?" he asked as I gathered the luggage.

I ran a soothing hand over his head, looking down at his wide eyes, "No, honey. You get to sit in it, though." He smiled, his dimples showing through. I melted for the hundredth time, still not used to his tiny, charming self. He took my hand, tugging me towards the door with an innocent jubilation about him.

And for the second time today, a knock sounded at the door.

"Hi!" The enthusiasm in Miss Mabel's voice jarred me awake as I opened the door. "I came to say goodbye...and have a little talk."

I took in how fast the warmth in her face fell, and immediately cupped her elbow, gently steering us to my room. Ziko didn't follow, too occupied with the chocolate Miss Mabel had handed him only a few seconds prior.

"Stop doing this to yourself." Her voice was harsh, unlike most of the times she spoke to me. I took a step back as the intensity in her eyes became clear to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I knew exactly what she was talking about.

She gave me a skeptical look, "You haven't seen your mother since the Sacrament. And just to remind you, it's been two years!" I tried to defend myself, but went silent when she held up her hand, "You come home late, having physically and mentally trained yourself rugged every single day. You haven't made a single friend...haven't let anyone into your life beyond the unavoidable, every day interactions," she took a deep breath in, "What are you doing to yourself, Rin?"

I didn't have an answer for her. Didn't have any way of combating her arguments.

"You will waste away, girl. Until you are nothing but skin and bones. Until your heart has become a shriveled up clutter of chaos that will only leak toxicity into the lives surrounding you."

The quiet in the room was almost threatening, almost worse than the words she uttered. Words that were truth.

"I watched it happen," she snapped, grim and somber at the same time, "and it did not end well for her or the ones she loved."

'We're running late," was my only reply, before hauling the door open. I was being inconsiderate, impolite, but the only guilt in my mind belonged to the lives I'd taken yesterday and days before.

My movements were stiff, a frigid cold having seeped into my bones after that last conversation.

"Bye, Miss Mabel."

I couldn't find it in me to say more.

I'm re reading the A Court of Thorns And Roses series and, oh boy, am I in love with Rhysand!!!