peachy. timothée chalamet

xxvi.

twenty six
public statement

statement made by rose gallagher on february 3rd 2018; shared on a personal website

i'm not going to draw this out. i'm merely doing this to confirm some rumors and shut down others. i don't mean to harm anyone involved.

i met timothée chalamet in the sixth grade — i fell in love with him in the ninth grade. he and i were together for four years and prior to graduating, i found out i was expecting. timothée proposed to me in april of our senior year, after i told him about the baby.

in june, i had a miscarraige. no, i did not have an abortion. no, i did not cause myself any physical harm to hurt the baby. my body rejected the pregnancy and i was devastated — we both were.

after losing the baby, i couldn't stay in new york any longer. i had to leave. i skipped the graduation ceremony and hopped on a flight to california. i stayed with family until i got on my feet, and i moved into an apartment with amelia while she finished highschool. i never told her about the baby or the engagement. she still to this day has no clue why i left new york.

i didn't tell timothée when i left. i think he knew when he didn't see me at graduation that i had gone away somewhere. i had been talking about it for weeks after we lost our baby, but i never expected to go through with it.

i was horrible to timothée. i never respected his feelings and i used him for whatever i needed. looking back on it, it physically pains me. i loved him — i still do — and remembering that i treated someone i cared for so dearly so horribly hurts.

i'm trying to change now. i want to spend time with my family more and show my love to the people i care about more than anything. amelia is with me most of the time now and she's sat with me through so many drunken nights in the past few weeks and has seen me at my worst. the only other person who has ever seen me so low was my oldest brother dylan, but that was before i left the first time. now, i've just gotten worse. i've gotten to a point where i can't sit still without a distraction, because all of the thoughts of timothée and our past and our ruined future rush to my head.

i'm trying therapy. it hasn't helped much so far, but i've only attended two sessions. hopefully i can figure out why i am the way that i am — why i'm so manipulative and why i can't feel good about myself without another person's approval.

i'm not sharing this information for your pity. i'm sharing it to show i'm trying to get better and i'm trying to fix things with myself before i can fix things with the people i've hurt.

i'm sorry if i've hurt you. i really do love all of you. timothée — i really do love you. and i'm sorry

- rose