Lucifer Was Once An Angel

Bye San Francisco, Hello Australia

Once upon a time is how a story starts. Well, mine starts differently than that.

Picture this.. Waking up every day wishing that today would be the day everything would change.

Imagine believing that like a verse in the sacred book.

Hanging on to every word and letter, every noun, verb hell hanging on the very hope of the beautiful pain that the words will save you from the life you live.

I wanted to believe that my savior would be my brother. My other half my ride or die.

My twin

But he was one of my greatest disappointments, as were my parents.

My parents made it very clear that they never wanted me, But they couldn't put me up for adoption. It was their parents that made them go through the pregnancy.

Grandparents that I had never met.

My oh-so-sweet mother makes it her life mission to starve me... It wasn't gradual; it started at the age of 11. She's made it her life's mission to starve, degrade, and abuse me when she's home.

A doctor knows how far to push..

My sperm donor of a father loves to manipulate. I will say he never puts his hands on me unless he's extremely drunk.

Father of the year...

His favorite pastime, his second love, almost is to pin me down like a lion with its prey.

No, I wasn't sexually abused by him.

But his words cut deep like a sharp blade. The saying " sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is complete bullshit.

Here's why I say that when you hear things from a man who you are supposed to think is a hero that can move mountains, slay the dragon, scare away the monsters under your bed, and hiding in your closet.

It all gets singed to your brain by the poker they hold and heals to the voice in the back of your mind.

My sperm donor of a father... The lawyer.

This beautiful pain I call my life is what some will call pathetic, but honey, I haven't told you the rest.

My lovely brother... My twin by 10 minutes

Who's been given the name Carter.. My pain in the ass, then again, all siblings are all pains. Carter is on the football and basketball team with his best friend Marcus.

If there's one thing you should remember about this whole thing is this... Marcus is a slimy dog with no regard for anyone. He wears that mask so well he fools everyone... But me.

He shows me what he thinks and how he hides his devious ways.. I've learned to look into his eyes to see the darkness they hold.

I do everything In my power to avoid him, but I can never succeed.

Every twist and turn, every curve to swerve, those twists and turns are futile when you have 3-6 jocks on your tail.

Marcus and Carter have been friends since middle when Marcus moved to our school district. Believe it or not, Marcus was like another brother to me... I was so fooled that I didn't notice the gradual changes in demeanor and attitude towards me.

I wish I had paid more attention to it.

The pushing, shoving, tripping, pulling, rude/ snide/ perverted comments, and so forth. The first three come off as sibling behavior Carter, and I would do that to each other all the time. It was also an old game we would do all the time.