The Ghost of You - Phan

Epilogue: Acceptance

It's been five years now, but not a day goes by where I don't think about Dan. When he died, I thought I'd never be able to get over it; that I'd never remember what it felt like to be happy. That mindset stuck around for a while, even after meeting Alex.

I met Alex on the bus home. I was crying, not caring about the few people nearby eying me warily, but he sat down next to me and whispered words of comfort. He told me that everything would be ok, and surprisingly, he was right; we exchanged numbers, we spent time together getting to know each other, and before I knew it, we were boyfriends.

I was reluctant at first, and he seemed to understand that after hearing about Dan. A part of me felt like I was being unfaithful, that I was being selfish. It took a few months, but I started to look at the past with fondness, rather than hurt, and my life became far happier.

*

"I, um... I actually have a question for you," Alex stammered, looking up at me over the dinner table. His voice was so quiet, I could barely hear him over the chatter of the people around us, but his tense state told me he had something pretty important to say. He reached over the table to take my hands in his, stroking gently as he spoke.

"We've been together for a while now, five years in fact, and I want to show you how much you mean to me," he gained confidence as he spoke, taking one of his hands back to his jacket pocket, returning with a blue velvet box. I gripped onto his hand tighter, my heart hammering in my chest.

"Will you marry me?" He asked, and I didn't hesitate before walking over to his side of the table and pressing my lips  against his.

"I'd love to"

*

"Congratulations!" Louise exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug, probably crushing my ribs in the process. We were as close as ever, maybe even more so. She'd got married herself now, with two little girls, and I often took pleasure in looking after them when babysitting duties were required. Whenever I was with them, it made me wonder if I could ever be a father. I'd talked about it with Dan, and he'd always told me I'd be a great dad, and I'd never questioned it for a second; Dan's judgement was always right.

"So when's it going to be?" I laughed at her eagerness, her wide eyes staring up at me with anticipation.

"We don't know yet, he only proposed a week ago!" She huffed playfully, but then her expression softened, pulling me in for a softer, more motherly hug.

"Dan would be so proud of you, you know." We didn't mention Dan often, but when we did, it was when we were recounting something funny or stupid he did, or a fond memory. We tried to avoid mentioning him in a serious light; more often than not, it would result in tears.

I understood where Louise was coming from; I'd been in a state of depression for at least a year, and only recently was I starting to get better. Dan wouldn't have wanted me to stop living my life just because of him.

"I hope so"

*

"Do you want me to wait in the car?" He asked tentatively, holding my hand comfortingly.

"Please. I'll be there in a bit." He nodded before leaving me standing before the familiar black marble headstone, the name of the love of my life engraved there for the rest of eternity.

"It's been a while, hasn't it" I said softly, placing a bouquet of flowers I'd picked up an hour prior, "I'm sorry. I should have visited more often." I felt my face burn with regret, thinking about how I'd feel if I'd been forgotten, but I hadn't forgotten about him, really. I'd found myself trying to make excuses as to why I couldn't visit him. I don't know why; maybe I was scared. Scared that I'd start seeing him again.

My eyes bore into silver lettering on his stone, as if this was just as good as seeing the real thing, but the longer I stared, the more my eyes stung. Whether it was from lack of blinking, or the tears falling down my face, I didn't know.

"Alex and I are thinking of moving. Far away" my voice was quiet, as if I was waiting for the response I'd never receive. The graveyard was as silent as it was before, the only sound that could be heard being the gusts of wind flowing through the nearby oak trees.

"It will mean I can't see you as often, but I need to get away from this place." The town I had called home for so many years had become full of ghosts, my mind tormented by memories every time I went outside. I'll admit this occurance was becoming less and less frequent, but it still happened, and I wanted more than anything to be able to live in peace.

"I love you, Dan" I said finally, wiping the tears away as I turned away, setting off towards the car, where Alex was waiting.

*

I love you too.

A/N

This is it: the end. Let it be known that I almost cried while writing this, but I carried on for you. Appreciate it.

Thank you so much for 96 reads! It honestly means so much to me, and I hoped you enjoyed this as much as I did.

Also, selfless self-promo: I've released a new book called Phan Smut Oneshots, if you're interested in that kind of thing 😉 and I also have another book on the go called solitude and would love you forever if you checked it out! Anyway, I'd better get on with that cheeky smut writing, so ttyl