Discovering Lucy

Carrie

She feels a whole lot of nothing cursing through her body as she stands there on the edge of the bridge, rocking back and forth with her shaky, crooked fingers losing hanging onto the railing; dangerously playing a game with death.

She hears the sounds of the city behind her, the sound of cars speeding on the road, blaring their horns at the other cars on the road and the sounds of yelling.

Those looking out of their windows at her would say she's standing on the wrong side of the bridge's railing.

Carrie would say she's on the right side.

Looking down below her feet at the waves crashing against the rocks; something escapes through her emotional barricade, uncertainty. As the waves crash and splash saltwater gets carried away with the wind and onto her skin, that feeling right there. The tingling sensation of the fresh cool water splashing on her skin lets her know that she is right where she wants to be and that she knows she is ready.

Carrie lifts her head up high, towards the grey cloud-filled sky and smiles as she breathes in the salty ocean air. She feels the loose sunlight beams hit her face. For the first time in days, she smiles.

'Can this be it?'

'Will this be it?'

'Yes this is it'

Carrie takes one foot off of the bridge's beam that she's standing on and as she stretches it over the edge, she knows that doing this, she's dancing with the devil. She winces in pain as grief breaks through the emotional barricade, grief for what she has lost and grief for what she will lose. The moment she realises what is happening, adrenaline kicks in, ready to activate that flight or fight sequence.

There's no more fighting left in Carrie. 

She sets her foot back on the beam and reaches behind her, grabbing her headphones one last time to play that final song. She then places the headphones in her ear, the sound of the music blasts into her ears, drowning out the sounds of the traffic behind her.

To those bystanders watching in looking Carrie casts out a few thoughts;

'Do you even notice what I'm doing? Do you care?'

The music of the final song slowly comes to a stop. She takes out her headphones and places her phone back on the ledge behind her, hands still shaking, threatening to drop the phone into the water. Carrie once again lifts one leg off the beam, feeling the saltwater breeze travel up her leg. As she closes the eyes to completely take in that feeling, she completely loses herself to the feeling of being free.

Carrie finally opens her eyes, one last time and places her phone; unlocked and exposing her wallpaper, on the ledge behind her. The photo shining back at her, making her feel remorseful for what she is about to do to that beautiful blonde on her phone screen. She lets out a soft smile, sad but soft. Carrie realises what she is about to leave behind.

The cool sensation of a wet tear trickles down her cheek. One tear exposing the sadness she feels, the only time she has let her feel such a thing. 

Before she had the chance to let go she felt the soft touch of a tall blonde woman, who used to have the most beautiful eyes. Carrie ruined them by filling them with tears and sorrow. The blonde's grip tightens on Carrie's arm as she pleads for Carrie to stop and to climb back over the railing.

"Please don't do this Carrie, Don't leave me" She screams over the sound of the crashing waves from below. "Carrie please, grab my hand." She outstretches her right hand, making sure to not let go of Carrie's wrist with her left hand.

"Hold on a little more. We can get help. I can help you." The blonde pleads.

For the first time since the encounter started, Carrie finally looks up into the eyes of the girl in front of her, this girl who is so desperate for Carrie to get help to become fixed as if she's something that broken and fixable; no, Carrie is shattered.

She's lying.

Carrie can never get better, never get help.

The pain will never stop.

Carrie looks in the eyes of Lucy with tears of her own swelling in her eyes and whispers, "thank you, Luce, I love you but this is just something you can't fix. I'm not someone you can save."

Lucy struggles to make out any words between her sobs. Carrie's heartaches, her body hurts and wants to shut down for all this pain she's currently causing the only woman she's loved. The only woman to care.

"I love you, Caroline. I love you so fucking much" Lucy sobs, Letting go of Carrie as she falls to the ground with a thump. Wailing for the fact that she knows she has lost the battle with Carrie and the battle with the sickness that has brewed in Carrie's mind.

Not knowing how to use her voice anymore Carrie hushes, "thank you, Luce. This is just the end for me. Don't let it be for you."

Carrie takes the leap.

She hears her name getting screamed over and over again as she plummets to her end. For one last time, she smiles. Just before the horrendous pain shoots through her body. It's over before she knows it and Carrie is met with internal darkness.

For once Carrie is at peace, leaving the world that has caused her the pain that led to this, leaving the only good thing that's ever happened to her. However, she has finally found peace.