Andrett OneShots

Such A Lonely Day, And It's Mine.

Andrew's POV

Today was an off day for filming which means I'm not needed. Not for behind the camera or filming. Even for hanging out. Yeah, we are all friends and all, but lately, I've been feeling a bit dis-included in group hangouts. I really don't know why I'm never asked to hang out because I see them all together on Instagram and Snapchat stories. Maybe it's because they are usually doing "girly" stuff which they think a straight man like I wouldn't bother doing. 

Funny thing is that I'm not quite a 100% straight.

I'm actually like 75% straight-ish, yet that doesn't matter.

This off day is just like any other day. I see from social media that everyone is at the Shyland household while I'm sat perched up on my bed watching old 80's movies for some odd reason. They'll be giggling over funny wigs while I'm almost finished with my third movie. I started this flashback binge with The Breakfast Club since this high school cult film makes my current situation feel like I'm back in shitty old high school where no one wanted to hang out with shy introvert that I was and still am, sadly. I guess old habits never die out. Then I watched Footloose because of Kevin Bacon. That's all the explanation you need if I gotta be quite honest here.

Now I'm just finishing up this movie called Less Than Zero. I really only knew about because it was one of Robert Downey Jr's first serious roles he had to portray. Otherwise, I knew nothing of it. Like I didn't know that the brunette chick who was Bill Paxton's fiance in Twister is one of the main characters in this film which kinda shocked me. The movie was honest not the greatest. The main character dude was not the best actor and the Twister girl was better though still not great. Robert and James Spader are really the only good actors in this whole movie, but I couldn't stop watching because of the storyline and for Julian's, aka Downey, character arch. Basically, the whole movie is based on cocaine abuse/addiction and having to overcome it with the obstacle being that Julian is indebted to James Spader's character Rip who is his callous drug dealer. 

This movie, in general, reminds me of my life when I was in my earlier 20's when I was still in college and started to tread into the party scene a bit more than when I was 18 and 19. Mainly because I was close to graduating and the freshman-itis that I had worn off. I thought at the time that, "aye! I'm young! Why not live it up?"... and well I did that.

Drinking and dancing at frat parties was what my junior year of college was filled with. I never did anything to major until one night. I was at yet another party, except this time my friends pulled me over to this lone table in the corner with a couple of people hunched over a table. I then soon realized that they were hunched over because they were snorting a line. At the time I didn't think much of it when my friend offered the rolled up dollar to me, yet later on, I regretted it. I slowly got addicted to the powder leaving me with less money and lower grades. Meaning that I had to drop out of college before my senior year could even start. After I've dropped out, I force myself to go to rehab just so I could put my life on track and survive crazy ol' LA as anything but a druggie.

Those days are in my past and I've never really brought it up to anyone, yet it's reminding me of how lonely I was. I was too obsessed with the substance that I never hung out with my friends unless we were doing blow together. I skipped class and all and just stayed in my small little apartment by myself. All coped up and alone.

Wasn't the greatest of times let's just say.

At this moment it feels like those days, except the coke. All alone coped up in my room as my friends are all together having fun with out me. I can feel myself slowly falling into one of my depressive episodes in which my whole body goes numb. Just trying to scroll through my phone becomes a challenge due to the fact that when I try to my body can barely move and my hands just tremble; though I still try. That's when I see more stories from my friends having a blast without me. I want to text them hinting at that I'm still here, but this depressed/paranoia state that I am in is telling me otherwise. Saying that texting them is just a burden and that they won't care about your problems... but I do it anyways.

Since I see my supposed boyfriend's face scrunched up in laughing expression. That just breaks me and I decide to text him.

Andrew: I hope you are having fun.

A few minutes later I get a reply.

Garrett: I always do though it would be 2x if you were here!

That response confused me.

Did I really make him have more fun when I'm there?

It took me a while to get the energy to answer him back.

Andrew: really?

Garrett: Of course darling! Is everything ok?

Now I'm slightly panicking because he caught on though I don't know how he caught on. So I just put my phone down right in front of me and slowly curl up into a fetal position on my bed with the end credits of the movie playing in the background. Moments later Garrett's ID popped on my phone screen along with his beautiful face. The phone rang until I just let it go to voicemail. I didn't listen or focus on anything but the random ringing in my head. 

What felt like years though was only about 15 minutes, was when I heard someone barge through my front door. I didn't even bother with it. Not caring if a serial killer just decided to drop by my apartment room. All of a sudden my bedroom door flung open with a tall figure at the door.

A sigh was heard from their direction, "Andrewww~"

Recognizing the voice, Garrett than made his way towards my frail body that laid on top of my bed. He slowly sat gently next to me as he placed his hand softly on my thigh and then slowly caressing it in a soothing rhythm.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked as he brought his other hand to my forehead to brush the few strands of hair from it. I just shook my head and then forced my body to shift so I now had my head laid upon his lap with him combing one hand through my ginger hair and the other rubbing my back. "Later," I stated, "now I just want to sleep."

And that's what we did. Garrett turned off the TV while taking off his jacket, shoes, socks, and pants. Leaving him in just a t-shirt and boxers. He then helped me strip down to just my gym shorts so I could be in my normal sleepwear. Once all the lights were turned off and our glasses were placed on the nightstands closest to us, we then cuddle up to each other. My arms wrapped around his waist as I nuzzle my head into his clothed chest. Garrett's arms also being wrapped around my bare waist as he laid his head against the pillow. Our legs being intertwined under the covers.

And that's how the night went.

Even though I was still going through this depressive episode, I had Garrett numbing it down.

---

This one is like a vent piece because will this whole thing is based off my life right now. And no. I did not do cocaine (yet), but I have done stupid shit before to my body in I guess a self-harming/addicting way that fucked me over so fun. Also, I am lonely as fuck because I lost a lot of friends and I currently feel left out by other friends so extra fun! Plus all this shit is leaving me with these depressive episodes and panic attacks. Oh! And thoughts of relapsing so extra EXTRA fun...

... I hate my life tbh.

oh whale!

Song: Lonely Day by System Of A Down

matt out.