Kiss, Marry, Kill

Chapter Ten

"You're a pro!" Sidney calls as we ride along the beach. 

The words make me feel a slither of smugness, and I resist grinning and throwing my shoulders back in pride – because of course I'm a professional. I learnt how to ride a horse before I could walk properly. My nanny used to take me to a little farm, with my sisters, and I just... I rode all the time. I loved it.

Despite the gloat the swells in my stomach, I smile shyly at the man as he beams at me. 

It's been a nice day so far, just Sidney and me. We've only been riding for a half hour or so and my backside is beginning to ache but it's worth it. Seeing his smile is worth it and sharing my own is... worth it. 

Together we continue to ride in silence. I look across the beach, the salty air whipping around my head, blowing my hair into my face. I've always loved the beach. I look around to Sidney, my breath catching at how effortlessly he rides. 

He has one hand on his thigh, the other on the reign. His body moves with the horse, dark hair rustling in the breeze. He looks stunning, and my mouth goes dry. His silvery eyes catch mine and I quickly look away, biting my lower lip on a smile. 

Up until now, Blake has been the only positive thing in my life.

I keep the thought to myself, tilting my head back to stare up at the darkening sky. Warm, sunset colours are starting to drift across the navy backdrop, creating a phenomenal reflection in the ocean across the horizon. 

With the man beside me, this might just be one of the best sunset I've ever experienced. 

Originally, my favourite sunset memory was of me and my sisters and our nanny, over a decade ago, probably closer to two. We had built sandcastles, buried ourselves in sand, and burnt our skip to a crisp. I have the sudden overwhelming urge now to stop riding and build a new castle, this time with Sidney. 

I glance at the man out the corner of my eye, embarrassed to see him still looking at me. Heat rises to my cheeks as he draws his horse closer to mine and then he reaches one hand to grab the reigns of my horse, drawing us to a stop. I can't look at him, so I look at my hands, tight around the reigns, and then at his, looser, calmer. There's no anxiety in those fingertips today. 

Sidney reaches for one of my hands, and I glance at him now, still embarrassed. He squeezes my fingers, lifting my hand to his mouth. 

"If you..." he trails off, kissing my fingers. "If you were Joe, or... or Ben, I'd ask you what you're thinking about." His eyes are so enriching, so deep. I can't look away. "Because... there's an absence to your face that I recognise in Joe's and Ben's, and occasionallymine." He drops our hands to hang between the horses. "So, can I ask what you're thinking about? Do you want to stop riding?"

His last question catches me by surprise, and I quickly shake my head no. I turn my hand around in his until our fingers are entwined, and like this it feels perfect. It feels good. Sidney smiles, grip tightening around mine. 

"You... don't want to talk? Or you don't want to stop riding?" he asks, and I open my mouth to say riding, because maybe I'm ready, but Sidney shakes his head, smile still there. "Both, hey. That's okay. We can just--" he clicks his tongue, releasing my hand to take a hold of the reigns on my horse, and together our horses start walking side by side. "we can just walk."

We ride in silence side by side, and I think about his question. I don't know what I would have said anyway, honestly. I'm not ready to talk about my past, but I'm ready to talk more, I think. I want to talk more. 

I want to engage with him. I want to know him.

We continue for another twenty minutes, the sun disappearing beneath the water, and twilight now lining the horizon.