I'm broken (Destiel)

Only the weak advertise strength

Castiel heard a faint wail as he entered the bunker, back from his walk. It grew louder and more pained as he followed it down the maze like hall of bedrooms that were lined up all the way through this section of the bunker.

Cas stopped abruptly in front of dean's room, recognizing the cries as dean's and feeling his own heart stop at the sound of someone he loves so much, experience so much pain. He slowly opened the door to find dean with his face in his pillow, clutching the sides as if his life depended on  it. Cas softly stepped towards his bed, flinching every time Dean gasped for air in between sobs. 

Gently sitting on the bed, Cas made sure to make dean aware of his presence so that he wouldn't be invading on one of dean's private moments. dispite what most people might tell you, it was sometimes better to leave dean to be upset all alone because in sam's words, some journeys are supposed to shape a person and they need to figure out how by "soul searching". 

Castiel softly whispered, "Dean?" As he reached a hand to rub circles on his back. 

"Wwwhhhaaaatttt Carseee," Dean slurred we Cas smelled the liquor in his breath. Cas tried his best to keep his own composure as he lifted dean into his arms so he could see if dean had hurt himself. 

"Dean, what's wrong?" He softly urged dean to tell him what had happened, how he ended up ass drunk crying in his bed after laughing through an entire game of monopoly.

"I'm broken Cas! I'm hurting and I'm broken.... don't end up like me. Don't do it!" Dean grunted. Cas worriedly scanned dean's body looking for injuries. 

"Dean I don't inderstsnd, your body is fine, how are you broken?" The pain and misery in Cas's voice was evident and he started making soft shushing sounds to sooth dean as he sobbed into his shoulder. 

"You don't understsd! He yelled so loud Cas was afraid this would become a family affair and knew dean would never be okay with being so vulnerable around so many people. 

"Every time I do something I mess it up! Every person I meet gets hurt and I'm the reason why! And I can never talk about it! I have to keep piling shit in because that's what my dead beat dad taught me. He told me only bitches cry and I'm still stuck following his damn rules because I'm to broken to be my own man!" 

Dean looked so incredibly vulnerable. He looked defeated and his soul had been drained from him. Cas hugged him tighter. 

He whispered into dean's ear, "you are broken and that's okay. You don't need to be good all the time. Things will get you down and you'll feel defeated and you'll cry, but that doesn't make you any less of a righteous man, Dean a Winchester. Because even after you cry and even after you hate yourself, you never let that turn you into a bitter person. You use it to motivate you. I admire your courage and your passion, Dean. I've never loved anyone more than you." Castiel pushes dean out of the hug so that he could look into his eyes. 

"I've said that I love you Dean Winchester and I'll say it again, because even if you don't feel the same way, you still deserve the love of the world."

At this point, dean had collapsed into castiels lap and his sobs were reduced to whimpers. Cas continued to rub circles into his back until he heard dean's snore. At that point he lay dean to bed and cleaned his room. He continued to watch over him for a few hours before going off to do his own activities.