Beautiful Illusions (Chris Motionless)

When You're Cold...

Chris’ p.o.v

I’m a dumbass, but that’s pretty clear isn’t it? Every time I think about what I said to her yesterday, I honestly want to bash my skull into the wall.

It made me cringe anytime I think too much about it. When I left the tattoo shop yesterday I left with the intention was to fix everything, but that’s not what happen. (A/N: No shit Chris >.> also there is a lot of dialogue so brace yourselves) 

The moment she stepped out of the house I could already see her anger leak out of her eyes.

 It made me irritated. After a few words, I couldn’t control my emotions so I ended up saying really horrible things.

I didn’t realize how much of a dick I was being because I didn’t expect that to happen, nor did I expect her to react that way, but it was reasonable.

When I did realize how I was acting I stopped in the middle of my tracks to avoid calamity. But it was too late for her. She was engulfed in a fit of rage.

And it was all because of me.

I caused it. I caused her pain. How could I live myself knowing that someone that I cared about…someone that I loved is the same person that I hurt the most.

I never wanted this. I never wanted it to end this way, but she told me to stay away so I was going to obey her wishes and do just that.

I had it do it, but I didn’t want to. After so many years, I just wanted my friend back. I wanted the Victoria that would stay up all night just to talk.

I wanted the Victoria that would go crazy for movie night. Or the Victoria that cared about me, no matter what.

I was no longer blinded by my arrogance too see that I just wanted her back in my life.

All I want is my friend back. Whether she’s in a relationship with Jace or not, I don’t care.

If she’s happy then great, I only wanted that friendship we used to have before we walked through the fire.

But I ruined all the chances of even talking to her by all the stupid shit I said yesterday. I regret it all, but I can’t take it back.

Angelo won’t even talk to me because when I came back to my house I called him and told him everything that happen just it get it off of my chest.

It made me feel bad because he was in the middle of all of this but now he’s silent which it’s good for me since he was the guidance I had in this storm.

I don’t know what to do, what a surprise right?

What I do know is that I should apologize for everything I ever done, beg on my knees if I had to.

But she wants me to stay away from her so I have to do it.

Since yesterday I haven’t left my house. I couldn’t bring up myself up to go anywhere, and if I could, where would I go?

Sheetz? Buffalo Wild Wings?

It was strange, but my usual craving for Sheetz and Buffalo Wild Wings weren’t there.

For this entire day I have survived on black coffee and butterscotch crumpets.

I couldn’t sleep either. After an hour I would just wake up. And I couldn’t dream. Every time that I did fall asleep that was all it was.

Pure darkness with the fear of slipping into oblivion. I would close my eyes only to wake up an hour later, feeling exhausted but not being able to sleep peacefully.