"c'mon big guy, tell me your biggest fear. i've helped you face so many others so i can definitely help you again." baekhyun grinned at me, walking backwards on the sidewalk while staring at me.
"mm, driving." i muttered out but it wasn't the truth...
(warnings: mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. don't read if this stuff is sensitive to you.)
(chanyeol'spov)
"let go dad, i don't want to get up and meet some strangers. you know new people scare me so let go!!" i groaned as my dad tried pulling the sheets from over my head. i was afraid of meeting the new neighbors, just like i was afraid of everything else.
"chanyeol, you're going to have to learn to let go some time. you can't live the rest of your life afraid of little things." he sighed heavily before stalking out of the room.
i in fact could spend the rest of my life like that, and that's exactly was i was going to do. i mean, getting into a wreck as a seven year old and nearly losing my life, who could blame me.
----------
i got up eventually. not because i preferably wanted to meet the new neighbors, but because i loved my dad and didn't want to make him angry. i dressed in a black shirt with a logo of a western rock band i forgot the name of, and paired it with black skinny jeans and combat boots. i didn't have anyone to impress.
and then i waited on the top of the stairs. every time someone new moved to our neighborhood, my dad just had to cook a feast and invite them over. i almost always avoided it. i guess today my crushing anxiety wasn't so bad.
"channie come help set the table!" he hollered, making me roll my eyes since the kitchen was just to the left of the stairs. i trudged down them reluctantly.
"how many people?" i asked him, opening the cabinets where we kept the plates. i was really hoping he'd say just one old lady in her 80's.
"it'll be six including us. it's a husband and wife with their two sons. i think one of them is your age so maybe you can make a friend?" he smiled sadly, knowing my best friend kyungsoo was the only friend i ever had and would let into my life.
"i'll set the table. what are you cooking?" it smelt awfully good and made me remember i hadn't eaten in over twelve hours.
"sangyeopsal and galbi, you still love them right?"
"why would i ever stop loving what tastes like heaven?" i licked my lips and he chuckled. i got all the plates and silverware placed perfectly, but as i sat down in my chair, my anxiety started to kick in. what if the two sons tried talking to me? what if i had a panic attack in front of them and made them never want to come over ever again? i felt like i couldn't breathe on the inside, the feeling of hopelessness sank in.
the doorbell rang. a large lump formed in my throat and i felt sweaty all of a sudden, having to wipe my hands on my jeans because they were dripping.
"chanyeol, get the door. make sure you greet them nicely and warmly."
"yes sir." i stood up with wobbly legs, feeling as if the whole world was going in high speed while i was stuck in slow motion. my feet felt like a ton every step i took, but eventually i got to the door. breathe chanyeol, there's nothing to be afraid of. it's just the new neighbors who will be living right next door for however long. my hand, shaking immensely, grabbed the doorknob and turned it before i had another moment to overthink it.
four pairs of eyes met mine. they were all looking up at me since i was such a giant, and it made me feel like some type of scary monster. but i smiled anyways, "hi! i'm chanyeol, uh, sungjin's son. he's cooking so he told me to greet everyone!" i sounded fake to myself but i hope they didn't see through me and figure out i was in fact a wreck on the inside.
"hello, it's great to meet you young boy. i'm mr.byun and this is my wife mrs.byun and our sons baekbeom and baekhyun." the man smiled at me nicely. i looked at all of them individually. the mother and father looked well put together and the older looking one, baekbeom, looked casual. but when my eyes settled on the younger one, baekhyun, i assumed he was a typical rebellious teen. with his hair dyed jet black with red patches in it, each of his ears having three piercings, and a whole outfit ensemble of expensive looking clothes, i figured my impression had to be a fact.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
(baekhyun's outfit. wow dad)
"please come right in, i'm sure the food is nearly done." i let out, allowing them to take their shoes off while i hurried back to the kitchen.
"everything okay?" dad asked, seeing me obviously distraught.
"going upstairs. taking anxiety medicine. be back." it's not that i wanted to take medicine while having guests over, but i needed it in that moment. so, i practically sprinted up the stairs and into my room, grabbing my pill bottle off my dresser and pouring two tiny oval shapes into my hand. i didn't take them with water anymore. i was so used to it, i didn't have to. it would take around ten minutes for my nerves to start calming down, so i just sat on my bed for the time being, trying to clear my head. i hated not being able to go through one day without taking pills to make me feel okay. i hated that i still wasn't okay after a decade.
after a while, i stood up, feeling my limbs go slightly numb and my head to feel like it was floating. it felt good. i opened my door to go out, but ended up bumping into who i thought was my dad, but turned out to be the rebellious looking son.
"oh hey, where's your bathroom?" he asked and i pointed to the door down the hall, wondering why he was right outside my door while he walked away.
----------
dinner started and that's when my dad started blabbing about useless things about me. he was proud of a son not worth being proud of.
"what school do you go to?" beakbeom questioned, looking at me.
"er, i'm homeschooled." i barely left the house the past ten years. going to public school just stopped being possible.
"why?" baekhyun spat out, sounding like i had just told him the worst news be of his life.
"baekhyun, do not be so rude to the boy. maybe he doesn't want to share." his mother glared at him then smiled sweetly at me. i silently thanked her in my mind. i didn't talk for the rest of dinner though, while everyone else seemed to enjoy themselves greatly. well, except baekhyun, who didn't even eat anything.
then it was time for the new neighbors to go. i still barely knew them, but i could tell i wouldn't like either of the sons. they just weren't people i'd trust.
they left and i was ready to pass out since my pills had fully kicked in. so after helping dad wash the dishes, i went to my room and fell asleep as soon as i hit the mattress.
