afraid. || chanbaek au

chapter two; video games

"why do i have to go? you're a fucking asshole is all you are." i screamed at my dad, sobbing as i leaned my back against the bathroom door.

"chanyeol, you know you have to go to your appointments. it's the only way to get better." he sounded distraught, like if i screamed one more time he might fall apart. the truth was, every time my appointment came up once a week, i would act like this, and he dealt with it each time. i didn't mean to act like such a fool, but the build up to getting into the car overwhelmed me.

"yes sir," i sniffled, letting him know i'd eventually get up to take a shower and get ready. i felt his footsteps pound away and i was alone. i was alone most of the time.

i did finally end up stepping into the shower, letting the warm water run down my body for a while. my muscles were so tensed and my chest ached, my hands shaking as i grabbed my shampoo bottle. seventeen years old and still acting like a child, i didn't know how much more my father would take before throwing me in some mental hospital.

i dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie. i'd been seeing the same psychiatrist for five years so i don't think she cared what i wore, "okay dad i'm ready," i mumbled, walking out of the door without looking at him.

i got into our sonata, immediately fumbling to get my seatbelt on, no amount of anxiety medicine could help this. i was never going to be comfortable in a car.

"ready?" dad asked softly, putting his hand over mine to try and help. he understood my pain, but he didn't quite feel it like i did. he wasn't there with us, so his pain would never be like mine.

i gave him a nod, holding my breath while he pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, i kept holding it until i was nearly passing out so finally i allowed a big gasp to come out of my mouth. my hands shook uncontrollably, my eyes sealed shut through it all until i felt the car stop. when i opened my eyes, the same building i had seen for ten years was in front of me.

"we made it!" dad cheered, patting my shoulder. i was glad it made him happy every week.

stepping out of the car, i let the breeze hit my face, welcoming the frosty feeling it spread throughout my body. sadly, i thawed out when i got inside. little kids were running around and screaming while teenagers promptly sat in their chairs, some tapping their fingers together, others kicking the chair legs, and others biting their nails. i had seen them all before, because when you come to a place for your mental state, you always come back.

"park chanyeol." dad said to the lady at the desk. her name was somin and she really liked me, kind of seeing me like a little brother.

"how's everything yeolie?" she smiled sweetly at me, her perfect teeth scaring me like they always did.

"same as always i guess." shrugging, i let dad talk to her while i sat down beside this kid, jimin, who i had known for the last seven years. he never told me why he came here and i never told him why i did, we just talked while waiting to go back and that was it. he was pretty cool though, but i was always nervous talking to him.

"park jimin, we have both returned." a small smile crept onto both our faces, i mean yeah it had only been a week since we both came, but i always missed him. i couldn't talk to strangers, could barely even look at them, but for some reason it was easy to talk to people in this building. knowing they were going through similar things as me, it made it less hard. but my hands were still sweating profusely while talking to him.

we talked about video games until he had to go, then a while later my name was called too. i walked with the assistant, sunny, while dad followed behind us.

"still 6'1 and still 120. chanyeol, you know what i'm going to tell you." sunny scolded me, tapping her clipboard with a pen. she had been saying the same thing for two years.