Binary Star

Chapter Nine: Kiss

Chapter Nine: Kiss

When Jinnai returned, I could tell something was not right. He wasn't acting like himself. He hung his head so he barely looked at me, and the glimpses I caught of his eyes were dark. I placed down the huge book I was struggling to read and glanced toward him. "Jinnai, are you alright? How did your exams go?"

He answered me with silence. He completely ignored me and headed to the bathroom. I decided to follow him quietly. The door had been left slightly ajar, so I peeked my head in to take a look. He was taking several pills from orange bottles and swallowing them down with water from the tap. That was quite a lot of pills for him to be taking. Was he sick? Was he in pain? As he headed back toward the door, I took off running and rushed back to the main room to make it look like I hadn't just been spying on him a moment ago. I knelt down next to the TV remote and clicked on the power button. "Your favorite anime is coming on soon, Jinnai. Do you want to watch it with me?"

"I don't feel like it," he mumbled. He kicked off his shoes and collapsed in bed. Concerned, I made my way over to the bed and climbed up on top of him. "What's wrong, Jinnai? Are you feeling sick? Do you want something to eat?"

"I don't want anything," Jinnai retorted. "Go away." My eyes narrowed. "Listen to me, Jinnai. You remember what I told you the other day, right? If you're feeling bad, tell me, and maybe I can help you. Even if I can't, talking about it will at least get it off your chest. Whatever you're feeling right now, whether it's sadness, disappointment, or anything else, you need to put a name to it. That's the only way you'll be able to move foward."

Jinnai' s reply nearly sent me jumping into the air. "I failed, okay?!" he snapped. "The professor didn't accept my work! He took some trendy modern art hipster douchebag instead! This was the final exam of the year...and now I'm going to be held back again! How do you think that makes me feel?! What am I supposed to say to my grandparents when I go home for the holidays!? I'm such a loser!"

I fell silent. I didn't know what to tell him. I had no concept of what he was going through, so how could I possibly help him? "I...I'm sorry," I muttered. "I'm sure your grandparents will understand...won't they?" Jinnai raked his fingers through his spiky black hair. "You don't get it! I've already been held back twice! At this rate, they won't be able to afford to keep paying to send me here! I'll be forced to move back home, and then what'll I do?! How am I supposed to take care of you!? I thought I was so close...I thought I'd make it this time...but now I'm thrown back to the beginning!"

I swallowed hard. "Look, I'm sure there's something you can do. You're a talented artist, there has to be someone out there who can see that talent. What did you do with the painting?"

Jinnai turned away. "I destroyed it." My throat went dry. Tears bubbled up in my eyes. "You...destroyed it? But...but why? It was the first time you painted me...and it was so beautiful...I thought that was painting was supposed to be for us..."

"Well, I didn't want to look at it anymore," Jinnai growled. "Every time I stared at that damn thing, I felt rage. You know...last night...before the exam...I had a dream about my mother.

She didn't even do or say anything, she just glared at me. She looked at me like she knew I was a disappointment. She was right..."

"Wait," I interrupted, "Jinnai, that's not true-"

All of a sudden, his hand swooped in from out of nowhere and clamped around me like a vice. He clutched me in his fist and lifted me up. "And what do you know, huh?! God, you're so damn annoying! You sit there and act like you know what I've been through, but you don't understand anything! You don't get it, you can't just put on a fake smile and pretend life is magically going to get better, that's not how it works! What do you care about me, anyway?! Once your little commander or whoever calls you back to that damn mothership freeloading up there next to the ISS, your life is gonna go back to normal! You'll fly down to some tiny refugee camp in God knows where, and you'll forget I ever existed! So why do you even give a damn!?"