Random Conversations

Part 11 ~Jasmyn

I confess that I worry.

It's the little things that linger in my head a little too long. The little things that arnt that big of a deal, but not to me.

I worry that the friends I have will one day just ditch me. That maybe they all just talk shit behind my back. Maybe they all just think I'm an attention seeking bitch.

That when I walk away, they're grateful that I'm gone.

I worry that when I text people they get annoyed with me. That maybe one day my messages just won't go through anymore.

I worry that I'm letting people down. That I'm not doing my best. I could do better.

I could do better. Come on. It's not that hard.

The words cycle through my brain on an endless loop.

You're not worth it. It isn't worth the work. Just give up.

Outside I may look like the calm, cool and collected girl you think you you know. But there's so much more.

What if I'm not living up to the beauty standards of society? Why are all these girls so much better than I am?

I may laugh off the stupid comments but they stick with me. I remember them all.

I make jokes to try to make myself feel better. I try to boost my confidence.

Im not the brave, risk taking girl I look like. I can feel the anxiety when I'm left alone to make my own decisions. When I'm left in awkward situations.

There's the days in life where I get so nervous that id rather sit through a hundred tests. I can feel my stomach churning and it won't stop.

I try to tell myself not to think these things. To not bother anyone else with my problems because they have their own. If I do, they'll just judge me for it.

I confess that I worry. And it's just the cycle of life. Or is it?

I don't know...just some random things I threw into a poem sorta. -Jasmyn