The Lost God

Chapter 5-The pleads for a second chance

I stare into his eyes right after the words left my mouth. I smile at him walking away to the room they gave me for a moment of peace, I don't want him to question me further. When I walk in I close the door behind me. A firey urge to scream rises up but instead, I let tears fall down my cheeks. Flashes of my statue come to mind.

Oh, how painful it was to be unfrozen. It was like I was restrained in chains for years in the air then suddenly I was let down. I knew nothing, I was never taught anything. My first tear was frozen with me, it was like a picture. Then suddenly I am allowed to go live my life, with no knowledge of how to do anything.

More burning tears fall down my face, I wasn't supposed to be here. This is all God's fault. I push off the door letting my scream be heard. "You prick! You did this! You ruined my life!" I scream hoping for anyone to hear me. "I never had a childhood! I never was wanted! You made me like this, I will never belong anywhere because of you!" I stare at my ceiling for a response. "Why am I suppose to be evil?" I whisper sliding down the door. I want a family, I want a home. This is a bunker, the bunker isn't home.

A knock on my room door startles me out of my thoughts. "Hey Juana, you okay?" Sam's voice breaks through "F-fine! I am fine!" I yell backing away from the door. They have never been in my room before they never had a reason. I look around the bland room other than the drawings of angels. "Well, I am coming in," Sam says opening the door and walking in. "Woah, what are these?" he asks looking at the walls.

"Angels, they are angels. The true form of the angels" I smile as he admires my drawings, I wipe away any tears I had smearing blood on my face. "They are magnificent, truly bright and beautiful. Castiel's form is handsome and just pure innocent looking. Jack doesn't have an angel form but his grace is majestic, it is like touching a fresh cold stream of water on a blazing hot summer day" I sigh satisfied, I could talk about this forever.

I run over to the wall behind my bed pointing to drawings. "These are the truly low-level angels. They did very little things but it was very important, even if it wasn't in their eyes" I turn and run to the left wall by my closet. I point to many drawings telling Sam all about them. "This is Gabriel's grace, he is so wild and unpredictable! Oh my, Lucifer's was my favorite! So bright like the sun yet such rebellion. I would love to get to know him!" I squeal almost forgetting who I am talking to. "Well old him, lovable him, friendly him" I sigh thinking about some of Mother's memories.

"You are really interested in angels aren't you?" Sam says from my bed, he sat there while I was talking. "They are fascinating majestic creatures, like unicorns. I would like to meet a unicorn" I smile to myself. Sam laughs as I look at him confused. "What is funny?" I ask. "The way you talk about everything, you're excited about anything and everything," Sam says smiling at me. I giggle looking around at the many drawing and pictures I made.

"Think of it this way Sam, say before you could even let your first tear out you died. Then suddenly you're thrown into a world you have no clue about in the wrong age. Now your living life as everyone tells you different things you will become before you can even comprehend what is going on. And yet you don't want to know what is going on because once you do everything you know is a lie your living in a stupid lie. To just top that off your not even suppose to exist" I say casually taking down a drawing that was behind fifteen others.

I walk over to Sam sitting next to him. I look at the drawing and I lay my head on his shoulder, something I do with Jack at vulnerable times. Sam looks at the same drawing I am looking at with a raised eyebrow. "What is that?" he asks. "That's a prick"

I was being awoken by someone shaking me. I must have got relaxed enough with Sam for me to sleep. I open my eyes to see Jack shaking me with a fearful face. I sit up worried that he has hurt himself in some way. "What's wrong Jack?" I ask looking at him. "I broke Sam's laptop" he admits looking at the floor ashamed. I sigh knowing how much Sam depends on that laptop, it is like his second heart. I stand up putting a hand on his shoulder. "Was it an accident?" I ask. He nods keeping his sadden and guilty gaze on the ground. "It will be okay Jack, let's fix it together. Lead me to the computer" I smile at him as he looks at me with a small smile and turns leading me to the library.

In the library, on the floor was a shattered computer. Jack pauses at the doorway looking at the broken laptop. "Okay, I think I can fix it" I smiled walking over to it and kneeling next to it. "Jack, tell me if Sam is coming" I command looking at him taking control of the situation at hand. He nods looking away and stands guard. Rebuilding computers are like healing humans, right? I take off my long sleeve shirt and lay it on the table putting the broken pieces on it. I then realize I need a shirt. I think of a shirt I saw on a girl at the hospital once. I close my eyes and in a second I feel fabric covering half of my upper body. It is like half a shirt showing off lots of skin but it is comfortable so I go with it.

I began to rebuild the computer to the restored glory. "Dean! Do not go in there" I hear Jack say but I ignore it, Dean is scary but I need to fix this for Jack so I let my fear stay hidden. Dean responds but it is quiet and I continue to fix the screen of the computer now. I place my hand on the computer and 'heal' it. It takes a while as this isn't flesh and bone.

When finished I turn around proudly just to see Dean. I tilt my head confused at his expression which is his face red while his mouth opens and closes. "Hello Dean" I smile at him putting my hands behind my back a bit nervously. "Where did you get that?" he asks as Jack comes to stand next to him. I look down at the half shirt. "I needed a new shirt since the one I was wearing was needed for other issues. I saw this girl at the hospital wearing this half shirt, it works, for now, I guess" I explain looking down at it smiling I can make more things appear than just money.

"Did you steal it?" he asked. "I made it appear, goodbye Dean I am now wanting food" I smile at him walking away from Dean with Jack behind me, needing food is always an easy way out of a conversation I do not want to have. The minute we are out of Dean's sight Jack hugs me tightly and I hug him back. "Thank you, Juana," he says smiling. I giggle petting his hair reassuringly, he seems to become less tense when I do little things like this. He pulls back and I smile at him as I look at his clothes. Knowing I can now make clothes appear I have a strong urge to practice it. "Jack, I have a magnificent idea, come on let's go to my room!" I squeal pulling him towards where my room would be.