Happy Endings (a Gandrew Story)

7

It shouldn't be so hard to get Andrew alone. It never had been, before. They'd be alone together at least five times a week, if not more; so when Garrett finally just has to show up at Andrew's front door unannounced it makes him feel even worse about everything.

Now or never, he thinks, already bordering panic as Andrew unlocks his deadbolt and looks surprised.

The way his eyes widen, looking distinctly like a deer in the headlights, almost makes Garrett want to laugh if it wasn't so heartbreaking to be looked at like that. As if he was a car about to strike Andrew down. It only makes his confidence shake further.

"Andrew,-"

"Garrett." He says, and Andrew's voice is set in a tone that Garrett has never heard before. It's not mad or upset or startling, but it's low. And strange. It makes him want to turn back around and head straight to bed.

"...Can we talk, please?" Is what he responds with instead of cowering away. It takes the willpower of a thousand men, but he's committed to his choices thus far. "Do you know you've been avoiding me?"

"...yeah."

"Okay," Garrett says, and it kind of breaks his heart a little more that Andrew knows, but he still had to be the one to push for contact. "...okay, why? ...It's about that night, right? When I picked you up from that party?"

"...I have to, don't I? You're not gonna let me dodge it anymore, right?" Andrew responds after a pause. He's not looking at Garrett anymore, not directly, instead fixing his gaze on the door beside him. It's an avoidance technique, clearly, because Garrett has just dug up a nerve that Andrew had been desperately trying to numb.

"Not if it means you're gonna keep treating me like the plague, no." Garrett answers in a rare moment of confidence.

"If it's gonna be like that then you better come inside."

/////

Andrew's couch has never felt so uncomfortable. Garrett feels like he needs to move, like his fight or flight instinct is telling him to flee lest he explode from anxieties. Instead, though, he settles for bumping his leg up and down. A classic.

"There was... Okay, so I told you I broke up with this girl, but that's... Well, it's only half true? I did break up with her, but it was... I don't know, I think a week at least before that party, so it wasn't all about that. It sucked, or whatever, but that's not what.... That was about."

"...So what was it about?"

"...I-" He sighs, sinking even further into his loveseat, hands tangled in his own hair. "It's weird. And I don't know how to say it?"

"Okay. Try?" Garrett asks, leaning forward, eager.

"Jesus, Garrett, come on..."

There's a pause as Andrew collects his words. Garrett prides himself on his patience, here, because he feels like if he has to wait any longer for the answer to this question he's going to start begging on his knees.

"There was a guy. At the party. Kinda knew him, kinda didn't, doesn't matter- but... okay, okay so I had a few drinks, so did he, normal, uhm- party stuff, I guess, but..."

"...But?" He encourages, prodding just enough to get Andrew talking again rather than overthinking each syllable.

"...We ended up alone. And I don't know, I don't know how it happened, but we were on the... the bed. Before you freak out, because I can see it on your face from here- I wanted to. I got there first, okay? It's not like that. It's weird but it's not like that."

Garrett has no idea what to do. He doesn't know what to say. How to react. He doesn't know anything, in this moment, besides the sinking feeling in his chest.

"But it happened really fast, and I don't know- I did what I do. Things got intense and I freaked out, ran, forgot to put my actual shoes back on, apparently, and I.... I called you. I was thinking about you, so I called you."

...

...So.

That's what it was.

Andrew had a bad experience. Had gotten to some kind of base with another guy, and it had bothered him so much that he'd figured it out. He'd noticed. He'd caught wind of Garrett's creepy crush and had decided that he couldn't have that happening to him. So he'd slowly started to pull away in the hopes that Garrett would give up, as though he hadn't done so years ago.

He feels, actually, like he might puke.

"Oh." He says. "Okay."

It's not.

"I didn't tell you because I just... Didn't- I didn't know how. I still don't know how."

This moment, now, feels worse than the past few months ever had. Now he feels like his grip is slipping on the situation, like his boat is soaring towards a waterfall and he's lost both his paddles. It feels like he's going to walk out of Andrews apartment to silence and that will be the last time he sees him.

It feels like he's losing Andrew.

It's enough to make him panic.

"Let's get coffee tomorrow morning. Please, let's get coffee. Can we?" He asks, and he hates how desperate and sad it sounds, his voice tired and waving in and out. It's pathetic, but it's too late to take it back now.

"Okay. I'll come over in the morning?" Andrew responds, clearly confused.

"...Yeah. Just, y'know, knock. Really loud."

"I know." Andrew says, and even though he smiles Garrett still feels hollowed out.

/////

It seems like he's leaving something important behind when he heads back to his own apartment. Like something major still hangs in the air, unsaid but incredibly pertinent.

It makes him tired. Tired enough that, tonight, he doesn't need to smoke to fall asleep.