The Curve

Seventeen

Destiny

When I said I needed to go home, I was so sure I meant my apartment. Not the big white brick mansion Shawn has us parked in front of.  Two moving trucks unloading furniture and shit inside.

"Shawn?" I turn around and he's walking around the car with a blank facial expression. like this is nothing.

"Yeah?" This that shit that drives me crazy.
"Wrong place. I need a shower and some new clothes." I didn't know I was suppose to remind him.

"Its not the wrong place, Sweetness. This is us" he says as if this wasn't all news to me. But lets be honest here, this man has a very hard time communicating cause umm no.

"I'm sorry, what?" I know my facial expression must be something funny, cause the smirk on his face turns into a full smile.

"Why me?" I swear I will not cry. I honestly just want to know why.

"Why not you?" He throws back at me.
And to be honest, I can't see why not. I just need to know why would he choose to do this all for me. With me.
I mean is this really how this is supposed to work?
Or is this just the Shawn Sanders way?

I mean sure a bitch can ask for this kind of shit her whole life, but now that it's really happening, I want to know what exactly is going on between us.
I wouldn't be ok if one day he just woke up and said he didn't want this life with me. Handing me a love like this, as toxic as it may seem at times, and telling me that the big ass man in this big ass house and this baby growing in me... he is telling me that I can really have that life. That its mines, its ours. That I am his and that his is mine...

"Is this just us playing house or..."  I began to ask him but he cuts me off.

"Kitten let's not start that shit again."
"You said something about having the ring, now you have the ring. I'm choosing you, not anyone else.  Accept it and let's move the fuck on."
He runs his hand thru his hair. Was I seriously the one stressing him out? The great Shawn Sanders was stressed out because of big lil ol' me!?

"Come here." He opens his arms for me to come to him, so I go to him. Its like my body moves when he tells me to and I'm 50/50 on how I feel about that. It pisses me off at times because, I mean who is he really to have me this way. And on the other hand, not a damn man before him had me this way. Come when he says, do as he says, when he says, and just how he says it. It almost feels like codependency.

I was aware of my fears. This could end in the most shitty of ways. I didn't want that to happen, yet I could see exactly how and why it could. I was also aware that this could be the best thing that could ever happen to me. Shawn was who I wanted in my life and he is who I needed. If I was too focused on either of these things, one was bound to be my reality.

I'm in his arms nonetheless. Looking into his soft hazel eyes I feel the whole world couldn't fuck with what I feel right now in this moment, in this mans embrace.

"I've never been so sure about anyone the way that I am sure about you" he tells me. And that little voice that tells me, I know this is a whole ass lie is silent. For the first time, I believe him when he says he loves me and that all of this is real.