A Series of Heartfelt Expressions

June 2018, Written 26/6/18

Please just sit down, take a seat

And as I speak

I just want you to listen

To this story of defeat

Because this tale is about

The month of June, 2018.

  Moved again, from a family who I thought loved me, spent 8 days with Shannon, thinking I'd see my hubby. Moved again, 10 more days, falling like a fool, to a family who never loved me though I never broke a rule. Fell hard and fast for a guy I to this day don't deserve, moved again and after 5 days, I got hurt. Found out he found somebody to give him what I can't, stability and reliability, someone who could always love him. I just hope she treats him right, and doesn't break his heart. If she does I swear I'll break her fucking face just like priceless art. Hopefully then you'll see, my feelings were never fake, It was only poorly timed fate. I swear when I settle down, I will always love you, give you stability and reliability, and I will always trust you. But right now, I'll deal with the hurt, just like Bmike said, "All I ever did was put everybody first". If you don't want to be my always and forever, I swear I'll move on, but won't find anyone better. Nobody fits to me and understands me so well, as if you could read my thoughts, then you know already I'm probably going to Hell, for the things I've said and could never take back, I'm really truly sorry for giving you a fucking heart attack. For all of you listening who do not understand me, It's OK, I'll get better, foster care's just really crappy. 

---

   This was the first 'song' I wrote as I struggled through the pain of loss and mourning and isolation. I felt as if nobody could ever understand or love me - and now I know that for once, I was wrong. I thank all you who do or do not know me and love me. You are loved! XO.