cancer; female!malec au

chapter one

Everything is cancer. Everything is slowly killing us, with each step we take and each breath we release into the atmosphere. Nothing could stop death from reaching all of us; no one could beat the inevitable end. This was the mindset that Alex Lightwood had been stuck in for the past few years of her life. 

Because she was stuck in this temporary state of life, she didn't see that what she was doing to her body was hurting her, physically and emotionally. Smoking was a recent thing, although it was an intense thing, and it bothered the people closest to her. Alex had lived with her adopted family since she was six, after both of her parents died in a drunk driving incident.

Her adoption family was okay; her fake parents didn't pay much attention to her apart from making sure she was fed and had a warm bed, which she was grateful for. Jace was taken in by her fake parents a couple of months after Alex settled in, and she immediately felt a strong friendship blossom with him. Jace was her brother.

They took in another girl called Isabelle five years ago, when Alex was twelve, who was two years younger than her but so much more mature. She was feisty, and loved Alex from the first time they caught eyes. Alex was grateful for her two siblings, even though none of them were related by blood, as they kept her mind grounded, most of the time, anyway.

Alex had never asked why their fake parents had chosen them instead of the many other children in the system, scared that she wouldn't like the answer. She only had another year with them, and then she was eighteen and she could go wherever she wanted. Alex had big plans. She was going to take life into her hands and squeeze it dry.

Alex was doing junior year with Jace, while Isabelle was doing her freshman year. They all went to the same school, riding every morning in Jace's truck that he was gifted with for his seventeenth birthday a few months back. It broke down a lot and the heating or air conditioning didn't work, which wasn't great, but it was still a car.

The fact that the heating in Jace's car didn't work was worse when it reached October, which it had, as it was freezing in New York on this fall morning. Burnt orange leaves shrivelled on the slightly damp pavement, Alex staring out the window at them as the car zoomed past the many stacks, imagining the sound as her shoes crushed them. It was one of her favourite sounds.

School was something that Alex didn't pay much attention to; she had too many doubts that she would do well, so she didn't try. No subjects thrilled her; no future careers intrigued her. Alex didn't have much motivation for anything, let alone boring old school. 

The only problem with her lack of motivation was that going to college and getting a good job was the key to money, which she couldn't live without. She needed money to go to where she wanted to go. To do what she wanted to do.

Sexuality was something that Alex had struggled with for a while, although she was mostly certain now that she was gay. She came to the realisation that she might like girls when she was around twelve, and began to look at girls differently in her class who had started puberty. At the time, though, she mistook wanting to be with them as wanting to look like them.

Bisexuality was something that always seemed to fit Alex for a few years, although when she turned sixteen she realised that she didn't have any attraction for boys. She had been with a few boys, although none of the three encounters went well, for her anyway. Being with a girl hadn't happened yet, and she didn't really care. Relationships weren't a necessity for Alex.

Her fake parents asked and asked why she hadn't brought a boyfriend home yet, and Alex didn't have the heart to tell them that she would never bring a boy home. Alex wasn't sure where they stood with homosexuality, but they were religious, and she didn't feel the need to tell everyone she knew, unless they asked.