Excerpts from a book I'll never write •

53

"Do you know him?"

As soon as she said your name, I smiled for, I could see your face clearly in my head. I could hear your voice saying "I love you," ringing in my ears. I remembered everything you liked to do, and how happy it made you when I joined in. I recalled every single moment you cried to me, and every single hole you made in your basement when the pain got too much. My arms tingled and I could almost feel you embracing me, and the soft kiss you'd place on my forehead to assure me that everything would be okay.

The corner of my mouth dropped a little when I remembered your face contorted in laughter, as you mocked my feelings. I could hear you shouting violent and cruel words as if you were yelling them in my ear all over again. I remembered everything that you said wasn't good enough about me, and how hard I tried to make you love me. I recalled every single moment I cried myself to sleep, and every single scar I made on my skin when the pain got too much. A shiver ran down my spine and I could almost see you walking away, and the smirk you had to assure me you'd never be coming back.

I looked up at her, and shook my head. The boy I knew was not the same one who left me stranded that day, so I smiled sadly.

"I used to."

anon