𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝┊✓

cento e quarenta e oito

i always wondered
if i could be enough
to be your last, but now
melancholic, bittersweet,
and lukewarm feelings linger
in my aura like the way i lingered
around you before you left. the skies
that were once glistening gold, are now
swirling with grey. i am no longer a child
of the moon, my soul no longer of stardust.
the nights are now spent reading in the moonlight,
thinking about you. nothing hurt more than the day i lost you. because i loved you. and my god, i was so far away from myself i needed a passport to find my way back.

i remembered his words
the night we met, 'don't fall
for me.' but i always wondered
if he already knew i had. because
ultimately, "he was the king of sending
mixed signals and i was the queen of getting
my hopes up." in the end, i just needed him
to break my heart.

the way you left
will always leave me
with the aftertaste. you
left in serenity, unknowingly
leaving me shattered. you were
a wreck and i, i was a broken soul.
ultimately together, we'd make a lovely mess.

you always told me,
"'our relationship was
not all sunshine, but surely,
sharing one umbrella, we'd survive
the craziest storms together.'" just so
happens, love can't always conquer all and it
isn't always enough to keep two people together.

and now it's friday
night, your friends
tell me your sick of
my face. i've become
so numb, i couldn't feel
myself. i was drowning in
an ocean and i couldn't catch
myself. i've just been so naïve for
this was truly inevitable. you were
the gasoline and i was the fire. soon
enough we were bound to go up in flames. but
never had dancing in ashes sound more enticing.

i said i'd fix it,
what we had, that
is. you said you'd fix
me. but slowly, you were
becoming who said you'd never
become. now, i was left on my own
to fix these broken pieces and let go.

i don't know, maybe
in six years in time we'll
meet again. i'll tell you how
madly in love i was with you.
we'll laugh until we're clutching
our stomachs and you'll tell me how
crazy you were to let me go. tiny sparks
rekindle our love. but we're too late. our
love is running out, our forevers are disappearing.

and now that was all
said and done, it was said
and done. and i know now,
we would have never lasted.

n° 148