Hope
The beating on my door pounds through my chest as I look out the peephole to see Marie staring back at me. I quickly open the door as she yells for me to open it up this instance or she's busting in.
"What the hell?" I say to her a she barges in past me.
"You wouldn't answer my calls and I was starting to worry. What the hell is up with you?" She snaps back at me.
I cringe at her insinuation as she looks to my wrists. "I'm just not feeling the greatest, that's all," I consider spewing a lie to her, but know she will see right through it.
"Fess up, sister!" She stares at me as we make our way into the kitchen.
It's just past five p.m. and more coffee is a must, or maybe wine is more fitting for the hour. "The nightmares are back..." I look to the floor.
"Oh, honey! I'm so sorry!" She wraps her arms around me in the most loving way, and in this moment I never want her to let me go. "You have got to let it all go. You can't change the past, but you can make every day here on out the best that it can possibly be."
I know she's right, but letting go is easier said than done, especially when so much of my life was consumed by 'him'. I think twice about telling her what I almost did last night, but know she will probably want to check me into the nearest mental hospital within seconds. She knows all too well how far my depression goes, thus why she looked to my wrists as she came in. It's why I've learned to cover them up with all the fashion I could possibly find.
"What do you say we pour some wine, order some pizza and just chill like we used to?" She looks to me sympathetically.
"You Is know how to make me feel better, and that's why I love you so much." I say as she pulls out her phone to make the call and I pull out the wine and a couple glasses.
I pour the bubbling wine into the glasses before we make our way into the living room, grabbing the remote as we sit on the couch.
"Sooo..." Marie starts slowly, "You wanna know who came looking for you," swirling the wine around her glass before taking a sip.
"If I say no, are you going to tell me anyway?" I tease her.
"Of course I am. You know me all too well, my love. Your boy-toy is who it was," she smirks.
"My what?" I nearly choke on my wine. "Who the heck are you talking about?"
"Mr. Gossin came looking for you shortly after you left the café yesterday. Said he had to find you and it was important." She shrugs over at me.
"Well, well... wallowing back so soon. Too bad, so sad," I roll my eyes as I take Ir sip. "I don't know what he would want, he made his decision. He made it pretty clear he was going to be closing up shop soon."
"You can't tell me that you aren't even the least bit curious as to why he was looking for you!" She laughs at me.
"Nope," I deadpan as a knock comes across my door.
Marie hops up and looks out the door, opening it to the pizza delivery guy. A couple minutes later she comes back holding the steaming box and plops down beside me again. My stomach starts to growl at the delicious smell permeating from the box as we dig in.
"Ugh, don't tell me you haven't ate today," she scolds as I sink further into the couch. I have a bad habit of going days without eating, thus the serious weight loss lately, even though I feel like I needed to lose the weight, most think I'm too skinny already.
"If I'm not hungry, why eat?" I shrug over at her as she shakes her head.
Marie doesn't say a word about it, instead grabbing the remote from me, scanning through the channels. She settles on The Dark Tower staring Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey as we work on the pepperoni and mushroom pizza and wine sitting in front of us.
By the time the movie ends, I feel like I'm going to explode, along with the slight buzz from all the wine we've managed to fill ourselves with. I generously pour us a glass as a breeze picks up through the window, along with rain that has started to sprinkle down.
It's well past dark as I go to the window to shut it. As I struggle to get it down before the rain really starts in, I see someone standing in the shadows of the street light across the street, making it unable to see who it is, but it feels familiar. I can't make out who it is, but it's obvious they are watching me, sending a chill up my spine. Obviously a male based on his stature, over six foot - maybe six foot three, shorter hair, but I can't tell the color in the dark lighting.
After a few minutes, Marie comes over to the window with me and looks out, "Who is that?"
"I'm not sure, but I don't think I want to find out..." I whisper more to myself as I make my way back to the sofa. Feeling like I'm being watched heightens the fear that I thought I had escaped a year ago.
"Don't go there, Hope. It's probably no one, don't overthink it." My friend pats my knee as she sits down next to me. "Let's find a movie, 'cause I'm staying the night, especially if it will make you feel better," she tosses the remote my way.
I flip the tv over to my FireStick and start Avengers: Infinity War before I get lost in my thoughts, trying to hide this sinking feeling from Marie. I usually hide the anxiety all too well, breathe my way through it, but lately, it's easy to see right through the mask I try to hide behind. I close my eyes as I count backwards from ten, trying to even out my breathing. Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...
Dark Green eyes burning holes into me, as he throws me on the bed. I try to cower near the headboard, but it's impossible to hide from him as he slaps me across the side of my face, grabbing my hair in the process.
"I said, take them off!" He threatens in my ear, and I don't move. Usually, I'm more obedient. Today, not so much. I just want him to leave me the fuck alone.
"Fine! Have it your way!" He shoves my face into the pillow, pulling the back of my leggings down just enough with his free hand. I can feel my oxygen being cut off from the force of his hold, but considering the circumstances, I don't mind all that much. I'd rather not be able to breathe. He rubs up against my bare ass with his dick and I try imagining some place I feel safe, anywhere but here.
"If you won't give it to me, then I'll take what's mine." Finley laughs as he finally pushes his length into my ass and I suck in a harsh breathe as tears water from my eyes. It goes on like this for what feels like forever, eventually I become numb to the pain, and he lets out his release with a large grunt into my ass. He gives the back of my head one last push into the pillow as he pulls out and leaves the bedroom as he pulls his pants back up...
I suddenly let out an earth-shattering scream causing Marie to almost jump out of her skin. She grabs the half empty glass of wine in my hand, "Umm... I think that's enough wine for you."
