мacĸenzιe zιeglerѕ 'ғυcĸ ιт' lιѕт

thirteaeight

          "wanna know something?"

  i look over at lauren as she paints her nails on the couch. brynn and annie who are making a photo book stop doing what they're doing to look at the blonde girl too.

     "sure" i smile, barley able to lift my head from the pillow. it's around 7pm and the girls are here for their last visit of the day.

    they usually come around lunch time then after school and then right before bed. johnny never leaves the place so carson and hayden stay with him downstairs while the girls and i have our time together.

    "i haven't cried so much as i have since meeting you" she says, directing the statement towards me.

    i laugh loudly, it hurts but feels good to laugh like this. brynn and annie nod their heads.

    "true fact" annie agrees.

   with all the strength in me, i grab a pillow from beside me and throw it at them. they laugh, throwing it back.

      "can you guys come here for a moment?" i ask them, my voice barley audible.

   they share uneasy looks with one another, knowing where this is about to go. i swallow harshly, the lump in my throat i always have before crying growing bigger by the second.

  annie lays beside me on my right while lauren takes the left. brynn rests her head on my lap and i silently thank dr miller for giving me a big enough bed.

       "we're about to have the goodbye talk aren't we" brynn mumbles as i stroke her hair.

   i look at annie, confused as to how they know.

      "maddie and your mom told us earlier that you were giving them out tonight. apparently maddie and your moms were really difficult so they wanted us to be prepared" she explains with a sad tone.

   i nod my head in understanding. my mom and i had our talk an hour before the girls got here. it was harder than my talk with maddie and i felt so empty after it. we cried in each other's arms and she sang the song she'd always sing to me while i was growing up. "little girl don't grow up too fast" by carrie underwood.  she'd sing it all the time when i was little and i loved it so much.

    "okay let's get this over with, my poor heart can't take any more of this" lauren says, resting her head on my chest.

    i smile, kissing the top of her head. annie rest her own head on my shoulder and i rest mine on top of hers.

    "first and foremost, i just want you girls to know that before i met you all, i wasn't the same person i am now. i wasn't confident and i didn't laugh as much as i do when i'm with you three idiots" i say and they giggle. "meeting you was one of the best things to ever happy to me and i'm so grateful that we crossed paths and that you welcomed me with open arms. i'm so thankful for the amount of time, love and effort you guys have put into me and our friendships. but of course i need you to promise me that you won't be sad, at least, not forever. i'm going to be fine, i'm going to be with you forever, because i love you, i really fucking love you guys".

   there's a small silence before the room is filled with them crying. sobs and sniffles, big breaths being taken by all four of us.

      "you make me cry so much mackenzie but i'd rather you make me cry than not be here" brynn says through her tears.

    "ditto, i freaking love you" annie sighs.

   "we really fucking do" lauren says.

      we spend the next few minutes just enjoying each other's company, enjoying the time we have left as a group, as best friends. i have so much love for them, so much.

     "oh hey i got you guys something" i remember. "it's in the top drawer" i point out.

  annie climbs off the bed and retrieves the four small boxes in the top drawer. she brings them to me, all three of them waiting eagerly as i fix myself.

    "to help you guys remember me and so that you know i'm always with you, i got us friendship charm bracelets with our first initials on it and then you can add whatever else you want" i explain, handing out each of the boxes.

   lauren gets a bracelet with an L on it, annie gets an A, brynn gets a B and mine has a K for kenzie. i watch as they put them on, all three hugging me afterwards.

    "we could never forget you" lauren whispers.

    "never" brynn confirms.

   "never ever ever" annie smiles.

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the  core 4 bitch