Finding Myself (For LGBT+ Milestone Book)

Aftermath

6 months later...

Sexuality isn't something you choose. It can be learned but not prevented. Having someone influence your sexuality doesn't mean it isn't valid.

That being said there are some people who are just born different. And sometimes they're comfortable with it, sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they are accepted by those around them, sometimes they aren't so lucky.

I was always an ace/aro. I never learned it from media on tv. I never just decided to try it out and then decided it wasn't so bad. I didn't think it would make me different or cool.

However, explanations can't convince those who do not wish to be convinced, nor can it make the close minded question their morals.

I am not accepted in the community which I accepted since the moment I found its existence. I am not accepted by the community of cis heterosexuals which I had always belonged to. I am considered odd, unnatural, and greedy for wishing to be in the lgbtq+ community, where I thought the "+" might include me.

I am told I will change my mind.

I am told I will meet someone special.

I am told when my body matures I will feel things like others do.

I will not.

I will not.

I will not.

Yes, maybe a cisgender, hetero attracted aromantic/asexual is not as discriminated against as a bisexual, or a transgender, or a lesbian, but I am still a misfit among the people who walk this earth.

I have heard asexuals be called "frigid," or "teases." I have heard aromantics be called "sluts."

I have been told that my headcanons of characters being aromantic are wrong.

But not everything about this is the worst.

Because now I've learned about these problems and I will make sure to have future generations of kids read books with characters who never fall in love. I will fight for my right to not marry. I will fight for the day where people don't tell me "just give it a try."

I have accepted myself for who I am. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore afraid of dying alone. I don't think about that feeling of butterflies whenever I see a guy as longingly as I once did. I am okay.

Sex and romance is everywhere. It's in so many movies and tv shows. It's on so many magazines. And sometimes it's cute. But it won't make me feel like less of a human being. I am okay.

It's been over a year since my brother left. Recently he's learned to be better. I talk to him a bit more. Things will never be the same but maybe I'll learn to love him again. I don't scroll though his twitter at 1 AM filled with rage. I am okay.

My life isn't perfect again, but it's okay. Don't let anyone tell you that you're less of a human for not feeling certain things. You're valid.

[493 words]