My Brother's Best Friend 2 | ✓

19. "not acting like yourself"

Sawyer
Did you get home safely last night?
Sawyer
Wanna talk?
Sawyer
Are you okay?
Sawyer
I got a midterm today, I won't be able to talk. I'll text you tomorrow okay?

My eyes adjust to the harsh light from my phone as I wake up to an abundance of texts from Sawyer. My head is foggy but it's nothing compared to the pain I feel from my rumbling stomach. I have an odd craving for something greasy and savory, yet I feel the need to puke and cleanse my system of all the toxicity of last night.

Brutally harsh cold winds beat against the glass of my windows. The curtains were closed but I could tell the weather outside wasn't too pretty.

I bundle up in my blanket, far too lazy to get up because it requires too much effort. I begin thinking about what Anthony and I talked about last night. I have a few distant memories of us perusing the isles in the supermarket, but the memory of us on the bathroom floor is crystal clear.

Now that I'm in the right state of mind and thinking clearly, I'm so glad that nothing happened between us last night. I don't know what I'd do with myself.

Now I miss Sawyer more than ever.

My dorm room bed is small but I could imagine myself making space for Sawyer here.

I haven't felt his kiss or the warmth from his loving embrace. I miss when he would play with my hair gently as I laid in his arms like during that magical week vacation we went on before we had to go away for school. All I know is that when I'm with him all my troubles melt away and I'm—

Home.

~

After my intro-to-psych class, I get an invite to this kegger happening tonight. On my walk back to my room I run circles around my mind and I can't figure out a reason not to go. All signs were pointing to yes. Why not go ahead and drown my sorrows, since last night seemingly wasn't enough. Hopefully, second time's the charm.

It's as if no matter what I do here it always feels like I'm missing something. My other half in particular.

It's sad to think my family never even calls or writes anymore, it's like they've forgotten I exist. I almost don't want to return to witness the havoc that has been laid upon the house I used to call home.

My eyes became glossy as I applied my mascara carefully, making sure to coat every lash evenly. Cam strolled in the room a while ago but my busy mind prevented me from actually acknowledging her presence.

There was still a half-empty bottle of Raspberry Smirnoff and my mouth practically salivated at the sight of it. What's wrong with me?

"Holly?" Cam asked, her voice was almost Earth shattering. I continue applying my makeup to get ready for the party and I can feel her eyes glued to the back of my head.

"You're not acting like yourself, Holly."

I take a swig of the warm vodka.

"Where are you getting ready to go?" She pries as I walk over to my closet to pick out a top. A vibrant red tube top caught my eye, and instantly my mind was set on it. "I was thinking maybe we could stay in tonight? And study together?" she asks unconfidently.

"Not tonight." I say. "The thought of focusing all of my attention on the psych textbook full of meaningless terms makes me feel ill."

"Okay, what about your hair? I mean I dig the whole punk-rock lifestyle you're trying to pull off but I'm really starting to get worried." She folds her arms passively.

Ironically, just as she makes that statement I finish lining my eyes with black eyeliner.

"You're acting like a rebellious teenager. You're not in high school anymore."

I choose to ignore her condescending tone and snag the bottle off the table. I begin walking towards the door and she steps in front of me, preventing me from leaving. "When are you gonna grow up and stop running from your problems?" she's got a fiery look in her eye, one that would usually scare the living hell out of me.

Before I walk out, I look her dead in the eye. "Maybe you don't know who I am anymore."

~

To say this house party was huge was an understatement. I'm pretty sure my whole English class was packed in the basement of this dark and foggy house. This was my first time showing up alone to a party and it felt unsettling. Well, my plus one was the bottle of Smirnoff, so technically I wasn't alone.

However, the bottle was nearly empty already, so I began my hunt for a new poison.

"Holly! How are you?" I was suddenly beckoned by a group of girls that I was slightly too tipsy to recognize. "Wow, your hair! It looks amazing!"

I'm glad someone finally appreciates the look.

"Cheers," they raise their overflowing shot glasses and I just pour what's left of the vodka down my throat. I have almost become immune to the burning sensation, to the point where I feel nothing.

I have a feeling tonight is gonna be good.

I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for leaving like that, but I really needed a break from writing. I am back to uploading now and I hope you guys are still as invested in this story as I am! Thank you all so much for your support and understanding. I love you all!

Next update: Nov 13
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