Random 3 AM

I'm not okay again

maybe it's just me or maybe it's coming back

I can feel the emptiness in my chest thats beginning to chew through and cause a giant hole

I can feel the giant cloud of black smoke enveloping me again, making me choke.

I can feel it coming back and I don't want it to

I was okay I was doing at least a little better 

why now dammit?

I feel empty so damn empty might as well be my bank account 

But then again I knew I wouldn't be okay for long 

I feel annoyed again 

i feel sadder than usual

I feel tired and mad and just nothing at all

its so overwhelming 

I feel like I'll fall down the stratosphere any moment 

I don't want to do anything I just want to sleep all day

all day 

forever 

I'm not okay anymore 

I don't want to be here 

I don't want to do my work 

I don't want to leave my room 

I don't want to breathe anymore 

I just don't want to be here 

I feel like a ball being rolled around in circles 

over 

over

over 

and over again.

always bumping into the same wall until it opens up and lets me through

I want to be okay again 

just a little while longer please