Hijacked

Chapter 22

“I’m a mutt.”

The first words I say this morning, the last words I said last night. Engraved in my mind. I try to turn over to face the wall, and find that my limbs are tied in restraints. My voice is hoarse from shouting yesterday, and I cough weakly. Everything was going so well, I was getting so much better. Why am I the mutt? How is it fair? Why was I the one who was mutated? It’s not fair.

“Peeta?” my doctor says, opening the door to my room quietly. “Can I talk to you?”

“About what?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

“About yesterday?” she replies, untying my restraints and handing me a drink.

“No.” I say quickly. “I don’t want to.”

“Peeta, I think we have to.” She says gently.

Usually, if I don’t want to do something, she won’t make me. This must be really important. I’ll let her have this one. I take a drink and nod.

“Okay.” I sigh.

“What happened?” she asks me. “Yesterday, in the cafeteria?”

I bite my lip, trying to articulate.

“I lost it.” I say, giving up trying to put it properly into words. “I’m a mutt.”

She lays a hand on my arm, the only person who will touch my voluntarily at the moment.

“Why would you say that?” she asks, genuinely.

“The capitol,” I tell her, remembering what Johanna said yesterday. “They mutated me, messed with my brain. I’m the mutt, not Katniss. Me.”

“No, Peeta.” She says softly. “That’s not how it works. The Capitol might have altered your mind a little, but you aren’t a mutt. Mutts are manipulative and evil, they aren’t like you. You have a great capacity for empathy, you’re creative and compassionate. And under all of this, I know you’re very very kind.”

I smile.

“Not at the moment I’m not.” I sigh.

“Nobody would be.” She reasons. “Peeta, do you often talk to yourself?”

“Sometimes.” I admit.

“Like yesterday?” she asks.

“No, not like that. It’s usually just normal stuff, telling myself things or speaking my thoughts. Just, thinking things through out loud.”

“Is there anything we can do to help you?” she asks.

I nod.

“What is it? We will do everything we can.” She assures me.

“I want to fight the Capitol.” I say determinedly. “Show Snow that he can’t beat me. That I’m not just a piece in his games.”

“Absolutely not.” She replies instantly.