Love and Forgiveness

                      Chapter nineteen

**Drake Pov**

I went back to the party. I'm still worried on Susie. I know something bothering her and  I don't know what it is.  I'm so scared when I saw her staring at the room near the veranda. Yes, my dad was right, I'm a selfish man, thinking only for myself. Dammit!!!! But I don't want to lose her.

Mike approaching me with a glass of wine, he gave the other class to me. I sip a litte of wine from the glass.  Mike start to talk.

Drake can we talk privately?  This is a confidential information regarding for the favor you asked from me before. '" Mike said. 

Okay.  Let's talk to the library.  The resthouse has it's own library, where I can rest and waste my time through reading books. Mike followed me to the library.  I seated on the couch and Mike do so.

What it is  Mike? I asked Mike.

Base on my information.  It happens 5years ago.  Susie drop out of school then live to her mother hometown.  The worst is,  before the a month when she decided to drop out. Do you still remember the night we go to the bar? Mike asked.

Yes, I remember. " I replied but I already know what he will say next. 

After her work that night, she was walking alone then someone kidnap her.  As far as I know she was raped that night but she doesn't know who raped her and so she doesn't know whose Noah Father.  After she gave birth to her child,. She study again while working multiple part time jobs..  That's all I know. I didn't get information who's son is Noah. If I were to ask, maybe the father of Noah is the one who raped her. Don't you think so?  " Mike said.

I was starstruck to the information that Mike  said to me. He was right, There is a possibility that I'm the father of Noah.   If I were his father, how can I be his dad?  He is the fruit of my sin. Tears started to fall my eyes. I don't know how to correct my mistakes.  If I will revealed the truth many things will taken away from me..  Damn.. Damn!!!!!?

Hey, Drake, are you alright? Mike asked.

I can't even talk to Mike, Do I have to tell him that there is a possiblity that Noah is my son? . 
Or should I asked him,  what should I do? Stay with Susie and Noah and live happily but with a lie? Or tell them the true, then pay for my crime? I punch on the couch many times then left Mike alone. 

Drake...!!! "My called me.,but I ignored him.  I went to my car and get in.  Drive the car insanely..  "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!! "I shouted as loud as I could while I'm in car. Hoping to release the pain that burst and torn me to pieces.  I can't stop crying of guilt. "Susie, I'm so sorry, I hurt you but it wasn't intentional, I lied and decieved you but it was accidental. If this the  only least I can do just for you to stay by my  side I rather lied and decieved you over and over again. I hope someday you could forgive me. " heavily tears falling from my eyes and heart. I  notice that I was at the front of Susie house. I'll just stayed like that, staring at her house. My phone ring and it was Mike. I answer the phone.

Hey, where are you? What happen to you? Drake!! Are you listening? "Mike sound's worried.

O..... Oh... I'm fine.  I just went on strolling to get some fresh air. "I replied to him.

I lean my head on the steering wheel of the car. Release a deep breath.  I'll stay just like that about  minute then seat back straight, start the engine then drive away from Susie house. The pain still burning me. I just don't know how to face her. Now on Noah how can I call him my son,?   How can I ask her for forgiveness when I knew I can't forgive myself. Everytime I see her, guilt's always runs through my vien.!!!!!!

**End of Chapter Nineteen**

💔💔💔💔😭💔💔💔💔💔
Forgiving Yourself is as important as forgiving other's. Guilt is toxic, in living  through mistakes over and over. 
Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness to ease the pain that torn's you apart.

@celle1987