You Shine (Choni)

43- The Shopping

Cheryl's POV

I knew how much fun I would have had if I'd gone shopping with Toni, but at the same time I liked the idea of us surprising each other. I reckoned shopping was a good way to bond with Heather too, and Toni and Veronica would certainly have fun together.

Heather and I left right after school, trawling the shops in town.

"You'll have to tell Toni what colour you're going for," Heather told me. "You guys don't want to clash."

I grinned. "Ah, she's going shopping tomorrow. I'll tell her tonight."

"How's it going with you guys?" Heather asked, her voice more suspicious than curious.

I looked at her. "Nothing much has changed since you asked me the same question yesterday, except that I love her more."

She rolled her eyes, but not in the cute way that Toni did when she tried to mock me. It was clear that Heather didn't like Toni.

"What's your issue with Toni?" I asked her. "It's not just the Serpent thing."

"I don't like her because I don't think she's good enough for you. She doesn't have a rich family like I do. She has no influence. She barely pays attention in school. I wouldn't even be surprised if she's killed someone."

"What, and you think you're a better fit?" I asked her, snorting. 

She looked offended. "I kinda do, yeah. And I'm way better looking."

I couldn't be bothered to argue with her. She would never see my point of view.

"Let's agree to disagree," I told her. "Come on, what colour do you think I should wear?"

She pursed her lips in thought, looking at the racks of dresses. "Green or blue would look good with the red hair," she said, looking at me. 

I nodded. "Let me try on the blue one."

I wriggled into the dark blue dress, pulling the zip up before looking at myself in the mirror. I had a good sense of my own beauty, and knew that this colour worked on me.

"How is it?" I heard Heather yell.

I shouted back that it was good, but refused to show her. I didn't like the way she looked at me, even though I'd pushed her away enough times. I was trying to be just friends.

After I'd bought the dress, we visited about five different stores to search for one for Heather. I thought I was picky when it came to clothes, but Heather was in a whole other league. Everything was too fancy, too plain, too short, too long. Nothing was right. Eventually, we gave up. 

"Do you want to get a coffee?" Heather asked. "I think Pop's will still be open."

I thought about it. "Yeah, okay. But don't tell Toni. Just in case she gets jealous."

Heather smirked. "Fine. That's her problem anyway."

I ignored her comment, and we made our way over to Pop's, chatting about school and which girls Heather thought were cute. We laughed about old times, but whenever she steered the conversation to us, I rapidly changed the subject. I knew that, no matter how much I gushed about Toni, Heather would find a way to put her down.

"So, why do you think Toni would mind?" Heather asked, as we finally sat down.

"I don't, really. But sometimes she gets jealous, so I might as well avoid the situation," I replied, hands wrapped around my coffee mug.

"That's not your problem," Heather told me.

"I know. But me and her both know there's nothing to worry about, and I don't want to give her a reason to worry."

"Cheryl, I don't want to overstep my boundaries here, but you need to be more careful with her. Sometimes, you come across like you're being controlled."

I glared at her. "Maybe you're just seeing things."

"No. When I left Riverdale, you were fiercely independent. You swore you wouldn't let people into your heart, because you knew that the only outcome was pain. Why have you opened up to some criminal you've found about yourself? Serpents are born liars. How do you know what her true emotions are?"

I shook my head at her, but her words were beginning to strike me. I could feel something begin to blossom in my chest.

She continued. "Why are you in a relationship? Don't you remember making lists about everything that was wrong with them? Giving so much of yourself to one person that you lose yourself. You used to be fearless. Now everything you do is so that you won't lose Toni when you know, in your heart, that that's inevitable."

I knew what Heather was saying was nonsense. I knew that Toni loved me. I knew that I could trust her. Or did I? I was being reminded of why I'd always scorned relationships. 

"I'm just saying," Heather finished. "You've turned into a weaker, dependent, scared person. And that's not you."

I stared into the bottom of my cup. I wished Toni was here, I wished I could see her face and remind myself of why Heather was telling me lies. But I couldn't see her, and all I was beginning to see was darkness. In me, and in her. I'd told her, our first night together in her trailer, that I always messed everything up. Either they left or I did. I'd thought it would be different with Toni, that that wouldn't happen. But things were starting to get really serious between us, and Heather was reaffirming all my fears. 

I didn't see Heather smirking to herself, too wrapped up in my own thoughts. If things ended between Toni and me, it would destroy me. But, the sooner it ended, the less pain it would cause, right? And maybe we wouldn't stay together forever.

The doubts kept coming, and Heather began to talk about commitment again, knowing that that was one of my greatest fears. Every word she said burned more worries into my brain, digging deeper into the holes that were already there. I hated that she had this control over me. I hated that I let her keep talking. I hated that I'd actually listened.