Something about me (On Hold)

what comes next?

The people in our lives are important - those who stay for the long haul and those who stick around for a while before the eventually leave... but it doesn't make these people any less important. 

They all affect us in one way or another,  whether this be good or bad. And they affect us in unimaginable ways. They say everything happens for a reason... does it? or is it an illusion - a phrase, we keep telling ourselves over and over again to keep our sanity. 

Quicker and quicker the walls close in... life collapses in an instant and eventually we don't even recognise ourselves anymore.

People don't realise it but they leave scars - deep scars far beyond the surface remaining hidden and unseen.

Many don't understand the reasons as to why we are who we are. Some just walk by and continue down the streets whilst we cry ourselves into oblivion, as I did for months.

The day I met Elena my life began again... I finally had a friend in this world and for the first time in those dark months I was happy, but little did I realise that this was nothing but the calm before the storm.

What came next was the be all end all, the time in my life where I could either make a difference or fail like I have for the first part of my existence and for once i would rather die trying than never try at all.

College was just around the corner and my life would only get messier. Times of endless wonder, inevitable downfall yet hopeful uprising.

These are the things I never thought I would witness - things I never thought I would even live to see. Those things I forced to the back of my mind in order to forget the pain I endured to get where I am today. 

I now have friends... actual friends that I am able to fall back on. Not just stuck up posh twats who bullied me for years and pressured me into doing countless things. Types of things teenagers shouldn't be doing. Going to A&E more times than I can even count - overdoses, alcohol poisoning, blacking out, losing time and memories.  

Until eventually I snapped. I broke under the pressure and the people I once knew were no longer by friends -but distant memories of my past. Long summer's and short winters passing in an instant.

My life had a tendency to become a rollercoaster - chains of events leaving a myriad of scars behind. Elena and her roommate Serenity changed that for me by coming into my life at a time where I needed it the most - a time where I let demons manifest in my mind and let my past haunt my memories.

My past hadn't been the best. I felt abandoned by my own family and people I had considered friends. My best friends Roxy and Audrey. The two girls I thought I could depend on kicked me to the curb in an instant as if I was nothing and multiple years of friendship had meant nothing to them.

When I met them both we were only eleven years old and had only just began high school, they were kind to me - lovely even and possibly innocent. But that changed drastically when THEY happened. The destroyers of life, the toxins that poisoned the blood and minds of those around them. They were those who make you ask such questions as:

"Am I even worth it?"

"Is this what high school will always be like?" 

THEY drove my friends away - spread lies about me, about my past and my friends before pushing the blame to me and retreating. THEY ruined my life and I wanted revenge, every moral I had built up, every time I held myself back from losing my shit was thrown out of the window within a matter of seconds. I went from holding everything back to just letting it all go and acting on my emotions with brutality, violence and psychotic thoughts. I always told myself that it would be alright but the day they decided that it was a necessary to involve the people I loved and turn them on me was the day I snapped.

August 15th 2018 - The day I became the real me... One of the best and one of the worst days of my life. The one chance I had to redeem myself and become a functioning member of society. That day was one to remember forever the day I stormed into that school and took my life back, leaving those who tormented me for years in the dirt to rot as they once expected me to. 

There was no holding back from what I had to do anymore, I couldn't go through life like this. Not now - Not ever! The pain of suffering in silence had become too much to handle. So I did something drastic and I don't regret a thing. I never went back to school and I left that godforsaken town - Lancaster was far behind me. Its history and tales of witches were long gone, removed from the surface of my mind and buried deep within me. 

You hear stories of people faking their death but it isn't ever really a thing people consider - but it became the only option I was left with. I was a mess and everything was so fucked up I was running blind - running from everything I had ever known. No regrets... not anymore because sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us... 

I never looked back from that day forward... on the Wednesday I made myself known to the whole school, embarrassing those who hurt me before leaving forever before I made a decision I would live to regret. And by Thursday I was long gone... new identity for my new life. I went from being Olivia Anderson to Mimi Reynolds and for the first time in my life I felt free - free to me my self with no limitations holding me back.

I could do what I wanted but I had nothing and no one... I had found my place in the world but no one to share it with - well until now....