The Broken Stallion

The Poet's Heart

"What occurs when one breaks a horse? You tame it. A wild creature suddenly becomes a subdued animal? Is it competent to harness the strongwill of the magnificent stallion? -William Grey, author of Color of my Eye

mul·ti·ple scle·ro·sis

noun

a chronic, typically progressive disease involving damage to the sheaths of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, whose symptoms may include numbness, impairment of speech and of muscular coordination, blurred vision, and severe fatigue.

I remember sitting in the hospital bed feeling stubborn. For once, I didn't mind people pitying my for my condition. I actually didn't mind the fact that people felt bad that I have multiple sclerosis. Long story short, at age 3 I couldn't walk so the doctors made me wear leg braces for 2 years. I developed a curvature of the spine causing me to have limited mobility. After like a billion doctor appointments they diagnosed me with MS and announced me to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. I can't walk. I remember when I was 10 feeling super self conscious about the whole being disabled subject. I honestly had the self esteem of a potato or more technically speaking, it was nonexistent. You think you'll get over people staring at you but you really never do. I kept thinking constantly about people judging me and thinking I'm some idiot because I'm stuck in this wheelchair. People always say you aren't your disability but you kind of are. That sounds so cliche but if you think about it. That's all people see if you are physically disabled. It's like a flashing sign blinking gaudily above your head all like, "HEY GUYS LOOK AT ME! I'M SUPER VULNERABLEEE". This all sounds like a bunch of whining and complaining but I didn't ask to be disabled!

I think it's fine now. At age 11, I just decided to just blow off people's opinions. Today, I'm 14 and I hate wheelchairs with a stong vengeance. My goal in life? I guess to walk and become a professional pianist. I realize now I am coming off as a bit vague.

Let's start at the beginning. My name is Julian and I attend a school for disabled geniuses. That does sound a bit hyperbolic but it's actually pretty interesting. St. Barts Academy for Diabled actually has every resource possible for education. Gyms(where nobody goes to because every student is like physically impaired), auditoriums, high-tech science labs, all that good stuff basically.

So I'm getting very off topic now. Back to the day I met HIM. I was angry, maybe mad, terribly stubborn. Okay, I admit I was just lazy. I found no point in getting up, honestly to go to a school where you have no friends. It was actually beginning to be quite a terrible day. On top of that it was raining. Fancy that. I remember staring at the empty wheelchair beside my bed. Just staring. Hating it. Nobody was going to make me sit in that stupid contraption. So I threw this terrible fit where I jerked around and all the medical assistance people thought I was retarded but I think I'm fine with that. That day I would sacrifice anything to not go to school. I kicked, screamed, and cried with my limited mobility. I must add that I have no control from the waist down. My legs do nothing now. I have complete control over my hands, thankfully. The nurse finally left to get more assistance. When she turned her back I stuck out my tongue.

To add to the chaos, I pulled myself over the gate that surrounded my bed to prevent me from actually doing that. I fell on my back and nothing really cushioned my fall. I was finally able to get used to my surrounding on the floor. There were wrappers, dust, bed springs, and HIM.

I remember hearing this moan coming from the bed next to me. A boy with curling copper hair was turned against me. He was making the most annoying sounds. Usually I wouldn't be annoyed but today I was escpecially irked. He kept squeaking and buzzing and making every possible sound a human could make.

"Hey," I snapped in my most "shut-up" sounding voice. The curly headed boy continued squeaking in an incredibly high voice as if I said nothing.

"Hey! You're kind of disturbing the peace. There something wrong with you?" I pulled his sheet with my limited strength. The boy jolted as if struck out of trance. He jumped when he saw me as if I was a ghost that suddenly appeared.