Confessions

Confession #26

Confession #26: Letting go of things you love is probably one of the hardest feelings to endure.

Well. I don't know what to say xD Umm... let's just start with the fact that school started today xD. Yes. On Wednesday, August 6, my school started in the middle of the week.

I had a lot of fun in the morning, it was amazing to meet my old classmates, my friends (which I only have like two or three good friends), and some just plainly amazing people xD

I had some classes with familiar people and good people, so I felt pretty confident about this school year. (except for P.E. since them blegh insecurities get in the freakin way and I"m stuck with freshman.)

However, There is one thing I wasn't ready for.

TO. SEE. MY. EX.

My good friend told me not to avoid him (something I probably wouldn't do anyway) The whole day almost passed and I thought that:

Hey! Maybe I won't be having to see him!

The moment I thought that, I saw him downstairs, as he drove his power chair to his classroom.

He was talking to a girl.

Now before you go all "gosh Taz, why are you getting to be an obnoxious ex girlfriend mode?"

I didn't. In fact the only thing I did was grip the staircase to steady myself, because I wasn't jealous of the girl he was talking to. I mean when we were dating he talked to plenty of girls and half of them exposed there golden nuggets to the whole entire world. Yet he remained loyal to me and was there when I needed and wanted him (without me being all controlling over him)

The only thing I felt was something called heartsickness. TRUST ME. THAT SICKNESS IS TRUE AND IT CAN ONLY BE DISCOVERED AFTER A HEART ACHE.

Anyways someone yelled my name out and i smiled and waved and talked to them before heading to my other class. As soon I was done, I scurried out.

It was my second to last class and by now, I was feeling happy because the chances of him seeing me, are now VERY SLIM.

However, those odds and slim chances gained up on me as I walkedright alongside him.

I was speechless to say at the very least a "Hi." So I did what I do to any high schoolers who look my way (except he wan't looking my way) I just smiled at him and moved on.

HE HOWEVER DID THE MOST RUDEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM DO.

He looked STRAIGHT ahead, not even dared to glance at me and just moved on with his fucking life like I never existed.

It hurts okay? It really does. The feeling washes over me and I wasn't crying, but my heart just broke. That feeling is WORSE than crying. I can't cry. I'm just so numb. Right now, my heart is sinking, down, down, into a pool of numbness.

Okay okay, maybe I am tearing up a little bit while writing this. But seriously. Last time I checked,

a FRIEND is a person who will BE THERE FOR YOU

a FRIEND is a person who will LOOK AT YOU AND SMILE

a FRIEND is a person who will LET YOU KNOW when soemthing is up.

God dang it! SERIOUSLY IF HE NEEDED TIME APART OR MORE TIME AWAY FROM ME

HE SHOULD JUST TELL ME! WHY MUST HE JUST KILL WHAT WE HAD AND JUST DESTROY THE PROSPECT OF US BEING FRIENDS?

To hurt me once is one thing you will and can be forgiven.

To hurt me twice and ignore me like that, like how every single person I made friends with eventually did,

THEN GOOD FOR YOU. YOU WILL GET SOMETHING WORSE. I'M JUST TOO POLITE TO SAY ANYTHING.

I hope he sees the pain in my eyes when I talk to him (because I will have to eventually).

I hope he KNOWS. THAT I LOVED HIM. THAT HE MADE ME GET UNDER A PASSION THAT I ALREADY KNEW WOULD END QUICKLY BUT WANTED THAT QUICK RUSH ANYWAY JUST TO FEEL ALIVE.

Maybe that's the real reason why people fall in love.

To make them feel alive when they can't feel anything but sadness as their mind screams horrible things.