a warm breath of coldness

Bullies In Storage

January just started when ghost boy and I became really good friends. I tried talking to him whenever I could. We went boxing together and when we got off training we went to his house and did some awesome activities, like the game room or watching films. It is quite cold outside this winter so we never actually played basketball. What I loved the most was that he gave me letters in middle of classes. It was nice to talk with papers because everyone does it and it felt like I could communicate with him in a normal way. We walked to school together every day. I usually told him stories about my past, about Nigel, my brother and all the funny things that had happened to me. I had insecurities sometimes about the fact that he cannot say anything and perhaps didn’t like what I told him. Or that he thought it was really annoying that I kept talking the whole time. But on the other hand I truly believed he liked what I told him because of the little smile he gave me or him nodding when I was talking, especially when I talked about Martin. He seemed to like family stuff. He brought some papers along sometimes to write an answer. I remember that he had written a text about his life too. It must be really annoying for him to not be able to talk. All the time he had to spend just to write answers down. His patience amazed me. The text he wrote me was this one:

I wish to tell you some things of my personal life too! I am 16 years old and I have lots of brothers. You probably figured that out already. Just to introduce everyone properly: we are with 9 boys at home. Our oldest brother, Logan has been taking care of us since my birth. I have no idea what happened to my parents but it is something Logan wants to keep from us. I cannot picture a life where Logan isn’t my ‘dad’. For the rest of our family; I am a very proud part of a quadruplet. I am the oldest of them all. That is something I joke about a lot. My best friend is Jett which is also one of us 4. The others are Jonathan and Jaden. Those two are also inseparable. You might have noticed my green eyes and how it is unlikely that I have black hair too? Well Jett has blue eyes, very shiny and sparkly. A bit like yours. Jonathan has a green eye on the left and a blue one on the right, so has Jaden but the other way around. I am the only one with black hair, the rest of us has blond. Nobody quite knows how that is possible but we think it is really cool. So we already have Jett, Jonathan Jaden and me. Well then you have my little brothers. They are 10 years old and also a quadruplet. I love to look after them. They are super playful and you can always find them in the garden at the basketball field or at the swimming pool. They mostly act like young children and are far away from adulthood. Their names are Aaron, Ace, Alex and Aiden. I used to be so happy in my family, every day was a dream and I enjoyed every inch of it. Of course that changed when I had to go to the healing center. My months in that place felt like hell. I really didn’t want to be there and I just want to stay with my family. But my mental problems took the upper hand so I was sent there. The reason why I am going to your school now is because Logan thought it would help my social aspect (something the healing center couldn’t do). The doctors told him that if I would work on my social problems I might start talking sooner. But that is honestly the last part I am thinking about right now. I am perfectly fine with my pen and paper. Remember when we had to introduce ourselves to the classroom?  I said that I loved drawing. I do that most of the times when I am in the center, it helps me to calm down. Well I also said something about boxing. I truly love boxing and almost every one of our family does it. Awesome that we can train in Martin’s private room. I really want to meet Martin soon. I also loved writing songs and singing but that stopped together with my voice. My home situation also changed a lot. I am not as close to my brothers as I used to be.

The text stopped and so did my heart. I could not believe that Jason would say all those things to me. He said so many personal things and it felt good that he trusted me that much. His family was really nice. The letter was so long; he must have spent a lot of time writing it. I felt like my whole view of him was wrong. He wasn’t so cold hearted as I thought he was. He just had problems showing the real him. I had no idea what to say but I did not have to think about it twice because we already arrived at school. I did feel a bit uncomfortable walking beside him at that moment. I wasn’t sure if he knew what I was thinking or if my face expression said it all but he gave me a comforting smile. Just a little smile. Jason did not laugh yet, I did not know how it looked like or how his laugh sounded like. I felt the desire to give him a hug… ‘Too soon’, I thought.