learning to love [on hold]

01 | waking

CHAPTER 01 | WAKING

"Maybe it's not about trying to fix something thats broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better."

LELANI ORLANDO POV

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Dusty looking clouds line the horizon, framing the sunset that's currently blazing across the sky in a myriad of colours. Deep, dark oranges and navy blues contrast with the yellow of the setting sun– the sun that's almost but not quite visible from behind the hills. Amidst the multitude of colours are the birds, flying in a flock as if they're trying to catch the sun before it leaves us for tomorrow.

It's picture perfect.

My fingers press down on the shutter-release button of my camera repeatedly; I'm determined not to miss a moment. The satisfying click of the button under my fingers makes my fingers cramp up, but I smile to myself all the same. It's here, with the birds squawking, the trees lightly creaking in the wind, my camera clicking, and the waves lightly crashing against the sand, that I feel at my absolute best. I know that I'm in my element.

I can smell and feel the saltiness of the water as I'm splayed out across the sand of the beach, my dress and jacket slightly damp, but it's all at the expense of a great photograph. The wind lifts up my mass of curls and deposits it right in front of my camera lens; I chuckle to myself and tuck it behind my ears. My wild hair never fails to annoy me, but today, nothing can ruin my mood.

Around about half an hour must pass, and before I know it the sky is dark, a handful of stars glittering in the sky. With an almost sad sigh, I pull myself into a sitting position, dust off sand from my front and slide my denim jacket further up my shoulders. I gaze around me once more in awe, snapping a few photos of the moon and the stars, before slipping on my jandals and starting to wander back home. Mum and Dad will be wondering where I am by now. They're always worrying nowadays, as last year, my older sister Allie deserted us.

She was twenty one when she left, an honors graduate student, with a steady boyfriend and career. Now, no one knows where she is and it's left a gaping hole in our family– a void no one can fill with any amount of happiness. She left a letter explaining she'd "done a terrible thing" and that she needed to find herself again, promising to one day come back to us. We were getting weekly letters to reassure us she was okay, (Allie was never one for modern technology) but six months ago, the letters stopped, and we haven't received one since.

Grief catches up to me then, spreading it's horrible feeling throughout my body. My throat becomes thick and my stomach filled with knots– a sure sign I need to think about something else. And so I do.

With a heavy heart and shaking hands, I gather up my camera gently while walking and pack it away in it's case. I then shut the zipper and sling it around my neck before running to the gate that separates our families property from the private beach I was just photographing on.

With red cheeks and heavy breathing, I approach our house within five minutes, quickly snapping a picture with the moon and stars accompanying it before slipping inside the front door. With almost all of the lights in the windows turned on, it makes for a pretty picture.