"We could buy a fucking house, Jagger!" Collin has an expression of ecstacy on his face. "And maintain it how?" I chew on my bottom lip. "We work!" He starts pacing the kitchen. "Yeah, selling dime bags outta my cousins liquor store," I trace the edges of the notary stamp with my finger. Frustrated, Collin throws his arms in the air. "Then fuck me, I'm just some fucking asshole you married." He storms off into our bedroom. Feeling the effects of the drugs wearing off, I follow him. Unaware of my presence, he picks the spoon off the floor and throws it at the wall. It rattles to the floor. "Really?" I ask, the tremble in my voice barely concealed. Collin looks at me, a fury in his eyes that I haven't seen before. "This is where you wanna stay, Jagger?! This shit hole?!" His fist slams into the wall; a disturbing CRACK resonates throughout the room and plaster crumbles to the floor. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" I scream, the veins in my neck throbbing. "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!" Collin makes over to me, and instinctively I place my hand on the butt of my pistol. Collin sees this and lets out a fiendish snort. "You gonna fucking shoot me, Jags? You think you got the fucking balls?!" A rage settles in the pit of my stomach. Pulling the gun from my waistband, I look him dead in the face. "Try me, Collin. Fucking come at me." Steadily, he walks the length of the room, grabs the front of my pistol, and puts it directly in the center of his forehead. "Pull the trigger, bitch. PULL IT."
Tears stream down my face. "You're fucking unbelievable," I spit, yanking my gun from his face and tossing it onto the bed. "Shove a needle in your arm, Collin; you're not yourself when you're fiending." I push him squarely in the chest then bolt from the room. The spring air hits me as I swing open the front door. Hands shaking, I fumble with a half cigarette I find on an ashtray and the lighter next to it. Sounds from the neighborhood engulf me and I cant breathe. Inhaling the stale smoke, I collect my thoughts and aggressively wipe my eyes. Several minutes pass before I hear the door open behind me. His scent reaches me and as angry as I am, I'm soothed by it. "Jagger," his voice makes my scalp prickle. His hands finds the small of my back, but I jerk my body away. Sighing, I hear his footsteps head back into the house, and, again, I'm left alone with the tornado of emotion taking up residency in my chest. The storm swirls inside of me, my thoughts race, and finally, I settle on one: hurt. A hurt so deep, so penetrating, I want to collapse.
I lose track of myself on the porch. Milkoviches come and go; Terry says nothing, for he has his own inner monologues to battle. Iggy makes a crack that washes over me but never lands. Mandy is only here to grab clothes and is gone before I can even register her presence. Afternoon becomes evening before I'm joined again by Collin. "Here," he hands me a joint. A peace offering. Taking it, I refuse to look at him. A silence hangs between us, but its heavy with our unspoken needs. Finally, after I catch a decent enough buzz, I turn to face him. I see that his eyes are swollen and red.
"What's happening to us?" I whisper.
Unable to answer, he simply shrugs. Shaking my head, I feel a tear fall from my eyes. We finish the joint in silence and head back to the bedroom. Plopping onto the bed, we find each others arms and crumble together. Collin holds my head to his chest as I sob, my body aching. Moments pass and the room darkens, but in each others embrace we remain. Finally, Collin clears his throat. "It just felt.. like for the first time... there was a say out." His voice cracks. Defeated, I pull him tighter. "This is the family home," I whimper. I feel weak, vulnerable, things I never allow myself to be. Collin clenches me before saying, "nobody ever stays outta jail long enough for it to be that."
"No," I agree. "But it's something to look forward to after you've been away awhile." Lifting my head, I find his face in the dark and kiss him on the mouth. "I should know; look how long it took me." Collin's mouth opens and I slip my tongue inside, allowing his to enter me. A breathe escapes me and I feel an urge rustling that I hadn't felt in months. Slowly, Collin glides his hand down the length of my body; shakily, eagerly, it fumbles with the waistband of my shorts. I move my body down so that I'm flat on my back and he places a finger gently on my clit. Rubbing in circles, he waits until he knows I'm wet. His finger goes from my clit to inside me, to my clit again. I inhale sharply. "You're so fucking wet," he whispers into my ear, rubbing my clit until my breathing is staggered. "Baby," I moan.
"Yeah?"
"You're gonna make me come."
"Good," he kisses my neck, the warmth emanating from the spit his lips touched. He moves his mouth down my chest, lifting my shirt and placing his tongue on my nipple. He doesnt stay there long, but instead replaces his mouth with his hand. My nipple hardens as he squeezes it between his two fingers. Lower and lower he goes, kissing the inside of thighs until finally, he spreads my pussy with his fingers and slides his tongue up and down my clit. I'm so wet, I feel the mattress beneath me getting damp. Covering my mouth, my breathing gets heavier and a moan escapes me. Collin sucks on my clit while his fingers remain inside of me and all i can focus on is how good hes making me feel.... it takes over and it's all that there is... his tongue on me, his inside me... before i know it, my pussy tightens around him and I come in his mouth. "Fuck!" I yell, unable to hold it in any longer. "Shhhhhh!" He whispers, but theres a grin behind it. Pulling himself up, he takes his hard dick, rubs it against my clit, then puts it, slowly and gently, inside my still throbbing pussy. Him and I moan at the same time, our breathing staggered. Passion fills inside of me; I've never felt this good. I'm still coming as he pumps. Every inch of him slides in and I feel it. Every inch of him slides out, and I feel it. He pulls his cock all the way out and I ahem to cover my face with a pillow when he puts it back in. Again, I shudder and give way to an orgasm. "Jesus, babe..." he laughs, pulling himself completely out of me and then placing himself all the way back inside. Once again, my back arches and my pussy clenches around him. "Collin, oh my fucking God! I can't stop coming!" I cling to the back of his neck, my heart pounding. He continues to let me come until I can't take it anymore. "Fuck me til you come," I beg him, my breathing labored and my pussy tingling. "I fucking love you, Jagger," he pulls me closer and fucks me hard. "I fucking love, Collin," I moan into his ear, my fingers digging into his back as i orgasm for what feels like the millionth time. Finally, he speeds up and I know hes about to cum. "Stay in me," I whimper. Abiding, he pulls me as close to his chest as he can and together, we come.
