It's late by the time Mickey and I make it back. Killing the engine, he turns to me. "Collin's home." I look toward the house; sure enough, our bedroom light is on. "I need to apologize." I get out, but Mickey stays seated. "You coming in?" I ask. Pulling out a cigarette, he presses it between his lips and shakes his head no. "I'm good. Big day tomorrow. Got a lot to think about." Giving him a little wave, I exit the vehicle and head towards the house.
The room is quite and when I enter, I see Collin laying on the bed, eyes shut, and a needle sticking out of his arm. "Collin?" I shriek, a cold wave of panic flooding my nervous system. Running over to the bed, I lean over him and search for a pulse. Relief washes me over when I'm able to find one. His eyelids flutter and I see a crystalline blue peering out at me. "You fucking scared," i whisper, my voice heavy with fear. His eyes roll to the back of his head again. He's too high to function. Relief turns to envy and craving now that I know hes alright. Making my way to the stash box, my palms start sweating in anticipation and the spots where I shoot up itch and tingle with life. Stash box on top of the dresser, I set to fixing up my shot. Lazer focused, I can think of nothing else in this moment. Once everything is ready and in the needle, I make my way back over to the bed and lay down next to Collin. When the drug hits my system, I'm flooded with a comfort I can find nowhere else. The worries of my day, my concerns for the future and really lack thereof all fade to the background, almost convincing me that they cease to resist. In this moment, I am untouchable. The ground could crumble beneath me, and it wouldn't even matter. Collapsing next to the ghost of the man that I love, I almost forget that I miss every single thing about who we were before this matter took over our lives. Most importantly, I'm almost able to convince myself that I'd be fine of this was the last time I ever felt this way, knowing in my heart of hearts that I'm really, truly not.
"WAKE UP!!" a roar startles us from our sleep. Instinctively, I reach over for Collin and his searching arms find me. "What the fuck?" He grumbles groggily, using his free hand to rub the induced sleep from his eyes. "Oh my God," I sit up quickly, instantly regretting it. "What time is it?!" Collin grunts and groans as he reaches all.lver the mattress, looking for his cellphone. Forcefully, our bedroom door is opened and Terry comes bounding in, fully dressed in his wedding gear. "JESUS CHRIST!" he yells, his voice shaking the walls. Scrambling with the sheets, I hide the two needles and pretend that I'm covering my chest. "Relax, Jagger, ain't nobody trynna see your 12 year old looking chest," regardless he turns his head and bitches at us to get dressed and meet everyone down at the venue. Sickness hits, but I push past it and grab the pink dress from a hanger behind the closet door. Behind me, I hear Collin putting on his suit. "I'm sorry," I mumble, sliding the dress over my head. Pausing, Collin soaks in the apology. A flood of emotions and words begin to rise but I dont know where to begin. Slowly, his footsteps make their way across the bedroom and suddenly his hands are around my waist, pulling me into his chest. "I love you," he reminds me, pressing his face into my neck. "You're everything to me," he continues as I melt into his arms. "I'm the one whose sorry... this shit is ruining us. We're gonna quit." Turning to face him, I agree. "Wanna fuck quick?" I ask. "It starts in like 30 minutes," he loves, running his hand down stomach and inside my underwear. "We'll be done in ten," I wink, smiling as his fingers go up inside of me.
All the wooden chairs are still filling up as we stagger in. "What the fuck is my dad's problem?" Collin complains, looking around at the various hillbillies and prostitute littering the room. "Mickey isn't even fucking here yet!" Scanning the room myself, I shake my head. "Your dad's just ... excited," I snort. Collin and I look at each other; he gives me a slight head jerk towards the bathroom and I flash him A Look. Hurriedly, we run across the room and cram ourselves into the small bathroom. Each of us pull a baggie out; he from his boots and my from my bra. It's our coke/heroin mixture so that we could stay awake and not get sick while here. Collin dumps his out on the tank of the toilet and I do the same. Collin reaches into his back pocket, pulls out an army knife and shapes our drugs into snortable lines. We finish them right as the music begins playing. "Fuck!" I mutter, wiping my nostrils. Collins eyes widen as the drugs hit. "We gotta get out there!" Hurriedly, we burst from out of the bathroom. A couple stragglers see us and start whooping; ignoring them, we scramble to the front of our respective spots in front of the crowd. Terry flashes us a deadly glance, which we both do our best to ignore. Mickey smirks at Collin, then watches as his bride walks down the aisle. A flash of red gets up in the crowd and heads to the bar. I recognize it as Ian. An ice cube drops in my stomach and I glance quickly at Terry; hes too focused on his middle child holding hands with a Russian prostitute to notice. Miraculously, the ceremony goes off without a hitch, and before our eyes, Mickey becomes a married man. Once they kiss, we disperse and I'm able to grab my bag, run into the bathroom, and change into a more comfortable outfit: my ripped black jeans, Collin's red flannel, my dad's army jacket and my doc martens. It doesnt take me very long, considering the cramped quarters, and yet by the time I exit, every one at the party has half a heat on. Making my way to the bar, I see Collin, Iggy, and Mickey tossing back shots. Joining them, I nudge Mcikey and point at his dad, who's dancing with an incredibly short hooker. "A fucking midget?!" Iggy shouts, his brothers and I shushing him aggressively. "It's 'little person' ," Collin tells him under his breathe. Mickey snorts into his shot glass. "Okay, PC police." The drinks continue to flow and everyone is good and inebriated when the yelling starts. Looking for the source of the noise, I see Lip and Mandy getting into it in the middle of the dance floor. "Not my circus, not my monkeys," I grin, taking another shot of Jameson. Collin wraps his arm around me, asking "what's that, babe?"
"Nothing," I smile, pulling him onto the dancefloor. Wrapping our arms around each other, I pull his head to my lips and tell him, "I'm sorry k never put an effort into having an actual wedding like you wanted. That meant something to you, and I completely brushed it off." Redness fills his cheeks and he just smiles at me. "Seeing how lame it actually is," Collin half shouts, "I'm glad we just did it at the courthouse." Together, we laugh and rock outta rhythm with the music; for just a moment, I'm able to convince myself that everything will be alright.
