Happier ; Bastille

Moving On? ; Chapter Nineteen

After spending the night resting up in the hospital room, I finally get submitted out first thing in the morning. I don't wait around for my parents to pick me up or anything...they've done so much for me these past couple of weeks. I'm starting to feel like a burden. I should probably let them carry on with their lives...fuck knows why I'm still grieving for her.

Zadie cheated on me...with him. Him of all people. The more I think about it the less I want to cry like I did last night — but that was self pity. The only emotion which rushes through my veins like an adrenaline is anger. Boiling red anger fucking consumes me.

While I wait for the tube to take me god knows where and then get a text from Zoey. At first I'm hesitant to open it, but then I realise that there's nothing possibly worse that she could tell me about my cheating fiancée. So I open it...

I need to give you the forensic results
— Z (sent at 00:15)

Fuck. What was she doing texting me at that time? I mean admittedly I still was awake, but that's not the point. She must have this case attached to her mind. Now she knows I've seen then text I'd better reply back.

Sorry about that. I was at the hospital. Where can I meet you?
— Dan (sent at 10:45)

Just when I think that she won't reply back I slip my phone back into my pocket as I continue to wait in the painful cold. It's never been this cold before...well it has...but today the temperature has just dropped all of a sudden. After I cross my arms and get into a position where my hands warm up, even though they're bandaged up. . Just as I do I get another message so I get out my phone.

It's still pretty painful because of my fingers but I grin and bare the pain. Once again I turn on the phone to see it's Zadie.

The nearest pub near yours? The one you pointed out while on the way to view Zadie's body...
— Z (sent at 10:45)

I roll my eyes backwards. The only reason why I pointed that out was because I was nervous. I ceased a distraction from reality. It worked for a while...but then I stopped when I realised I sounded like an alcoholic when I'm not one. Close but...not yet.

When you try-and miserably fail-to come off something...or someone...that you once was addicted to like a drug the effects it has on your brain are endless. Well at least it feels that way. But then I remind myself that I'm not a fucking cheat, I don't have a guilty conscious and that despite all of my wrong doings...I'm a good guy.

I just happen to like shitty people and drinking away my pain. I guess that is what makes me human.

I'll be there in ten
— Dan (sent at 10:46)

—   —   —

Zoey isn't like any other detective. That's pretty much a fact. I don't want to say she's unprofessional...but she isn't exactly professional either. I can't say she isn't helping me, because she is. Not only with this case, but with my feelings. I probably sound cliché...but Zoey's the only one helping me and I appreciate everything she's told me.

"I have to give you the forensics...it's a legal thing." Zoey then slides the brown envelope across the our booths table. I don't open it. I already know the results. I can't let him get to my head. "It won't tell you who the father is. Not this one anyway. It'll say that it's not yours. We're getting the entirety to the Bastille crew's DNA...it's a cover up so Will doesn't suspect anything. Who knows who else she slept with-" I know Zoey is the only one helping me. And I appreciate that. But I have to cut her off

"Can we talk about something else?" I ask while Zoey takes a sip of her gin and tonic. I wouldn't have her down as someone who can drink that shit. It's just...shit. I'm tempted to get her something else, and something stronger. "O-okay" Zoey stutters as I smile.

She gives me this look of total confusion, it's like no one has ever asked her that when she's doing a job. It's sad to think of that is the case. "You said you was married right?" I need to talk about anything other than my fiancée fucking my band mate until she fell pregnant. "Yeah." Zoey smiles in agreement. It's a nice reassuring smile, nothing more and nothing less.

"What happened to him? Like his death?" I know I shouldn't ask sensitive things like that but...Zoey interests me. I think she's been through shit like me, I get this feeling that we're practically the same. "He was on his way to see his mistress, but a car collided his..." she knows how it feels. "But didn't you say it was murder? That's why you're a cop?" Zoey nods her head. "The car that collided into his was the mistresses husband. At first he made out that it was an accident...that he didn't know who my husband was. It went on like that for months until one day his wife cracked up and told the police that he might've saw her and my husband doing the dirty. He confessed to murder later on, but at that stage I couldn't care less. Matt, my darling of a husband" — Zoey laughs sarcastically — "he should rot in hell for all I care." Zoey then closes both of her eyes and wraps her hands around her glass tightly.

I don't know what to say. I don't think there's anything I can say to that story. "The mistresses husband...I visited him in jail for five years. He was a good guy, he was young himself...it broke him as much as it did with me. Two days before he was going to get released early for good behaviour...he was found hanging in his cell. He left a note to his ex saying that he isn't sorry but he wishes he could've been a better husband in the first place. He gave me a letter too...well one of his dodgy friends did. Inside it was it was a cheque. A massive cheque...everything he ever owned he sold. It's like he knew he was going to die. I still haven't cashed it in...I can't bring myself to. He wanted me to get a life, not work at a police station...just go and live somewhere else and never think about about my old life." That's basically why my mum and dad are trying to get me to do. But I'm stubborn. I don't see why I'm the one who has to move or whatever when Zadie is the one dead. It's not like I'm going to fucking bump into her or anything. I'm staying out.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as Zoey cracks a smile.

"I'm sorry too." Zoey whispers before downing her drink.