if I believe in you

two

Baz

We still talked. More than we did, only now we videocalled.
"Are you doing anything for Christmas?" I asked on the day before Christmas eve.
"Nah, we don't really do anything at the home."
"Home?" I asked.
"Yeah, I thought I told you, online in a children's home."
"Fuck no you didn't. Why?"
"My parents died when I was a baby."
"I'm so sorry." He waved his hand dismissively.
"We just do dinner and secret Santa, are you doing anything?"
"Yeah, my family's having a party, stupid posh shit."
"Posh shit?"
"Yes dear sir, my father is a British ambassador in the European parliament." I said in a posh accent. Simon started to giggle.
"You're an idiot."
"I'd much rather spend it with you."
"No you don't, it's quite depressing."
"Better than being asked every second if I have a girlfriend."
"Wow, wait til you tell them." I smiled, "spend it here."
"Christmas? Baz Id love to but I don't want to intrude."
"Oh please, they'd barely notice another person at the table."
"Well, if it would make you happy."
"Thank you my dear la- Simon ."
Simon smiled and ruffled his hair, "we'll finally watch spiderman?"
"We shall."
"Bazilton, down stairs please."
"I'm being summoned."
"Bazilton, is that your full name?"
"It's my middle name. Goodnight snow."
"You called me Simon once."
"Snow."
"Bazilton!"
"Bye."

"Yes father?"
"Now, as you know Christmas is this week."
"Yes father I am fully aware of the date."
"Well, I want you to be on your best behaviour."
"Ok, Simon's coming to stay that night."
"Simon?"
"Yes, my friend from school."
"Surely he'd be spending it with family-"
"He has none, his parents are dead."
"Oh my, well,if he must."
"Thank you father."
"Just, tell your aunt dorthia you have a girlfriend."
"Afraid of a little queerness?"
"Bazilton!" He shouted.
"I'll tell her her name is agatha."

Simon

"So you're telling me that the guy you've been talking to for about a year, is Baz." Penny sent me this text when i was out with Baz. I still couldn't believe it. I tried to call agatha but she wouldn't pick up. I couldn't sleep, my room mate kept snoring. Fucking bitch. I desided to text her back.
"I guess so" I closed my eyes, the guy that's helped me through so much, who saved my life. He was the same guy as the guy who told me to fuck myself, who taps his pen on the table to annoy me. I scrolled through our old messages, trying to understand this mess.

2/11/17
Lance: hi, I really like your music!
Nico: thank you so much! It really means alot.
Lance:Oh I didn't think you'd actually respond lol

19/11/17

Nico: lance can I tell you something?
Lance: sure!
Nico: well, here it goes, I think I'm gay...
Lance: really?!
Nico: yeah, I'm sorry...
Lance: don't be, I'm proud of you!!! How did you know?
Nico: well there's this guy, he sits beside me in maths, I have a huge ass crush on him
Lance: OwO what's his name???
Nico: bitch I won't even tell you my name!

I nearly dropped my phone. I sat next to Baz in every maths class. I ran to the bathroom and called penny.

"Simon?"
"Penny u just realised something and it's kinda big."
"It's 3am."
"Baz had a crush on me."
There was a silence.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! I was looking through the messages, and he said that he had a crush on someone who sat next to him in maths."
"You didn't last year for a while remember? We had a sub and she let us sit where ever, I think it was last November. Plus he's not fucking gay." Oh shit she was right, about the seats, Baz was defiantly gay. she hung up and said she would block me on grounds of being an idiot.
I got a text from Baz,
"Come round tommorow about 6?"
"Sounds good."
I was just being dramatic.