Thirty-Eight Seconds

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Love is a febrile and capricious thing. It can spring from nothing, blossom in the most unlikely circumstances, only to disappear in an instant, at the curl of a lip or a thoughtless word. It's not yours to choose, or demand - it settles like a butterfly, poised for flight, and all you can do is try not to scare it away.

But a relationship is different. A relationship has weight, and direction, and momentum.

And the longer it keeps rolling down the tracks, the harder it is to stop.

.

.

.

By the time Tori arrived back at her apartment, her head was so full of plans and promises, maneuvers and melodrama, that she entirely forgot she was supposed to be mad at Carla. The idea of a secret pact with Jade was so exciting that the object of the exercise, the reason for the deception, completely slipped her mind.

"Hi," she said without thinking, as she dumped her bag by the door.

Carla didn't speak for a moment, clearly taken aback by the change in Tori's mood. "Hi."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"We're speaking now?"

Tori looked up and blinked, as the situation came back to her. Somehow the fact that she was now in a position to circumvent Carla's demands robbed them of their sting. "Er..."

But Carla was quick to seize an opportunity. "I'm sorry," she said, closing the gap between them. "About Jade. I know you think I'm being unfair to you, but..."

Tori closed her eyes, briefly. Here we go. Carla was one of those people for whom it wasn't enough that you gave in to them, they wanted you to really believe they were right.

"You do understand, don't you?" Carla put a hand on Tori's shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. Tori looked away, fixing her eyes on the wall, trying not to let the voice get to her. Despite what she'd told Jade, there had been a time when she'd felt like she was in love, when she'd felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have Carla. She nodded eventually, because it was pointless to do anything else.

"You can't blame me for being jealous, Tori," Carla went on, in a tone that suggested she was the voice of reason itself. "Just the thought of you two together, I mean I know you wouldn't, Tori, but her-"

She could do it now. Call her bluff. Make her leave. But of course, Carla wouldn't be leaving, would she? Because this was her apartment. So it would be Tori who had to leave, who had to go out and find somewhere else to live. It was easy to make the big gestures when you didn't have to worry about the small details.

"I know, Carla," Tori cut her off, irritably. She really didn't want to have this conversation, not now. "I get it, okay? Just forget it."

"Are you sure?" Carla's expression was sympathetic, but there was still a hint of steel in it.

"Sure, I'm sure."

Look, I know I've been neglecting you lately," she said, running a finger lightly across Tori's collar bone. "So how about this Friday we go out. You and me. Somewhere nice."

Tori looked at her, warily. "Don't you have to work?"

"I'll tell them I can't do it."

"And what about the money?"

"We can manage. You're more important than money."

Tori found this a little hard to swallow, considering she never actually saw any of Carla's money. "I guess."

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