No Rest for the Wicked- an MCSM AU [COMPLETED]

◽five◽

Failure. How many times have you failed?

Don't fail again.

I won't fail again.

Not this time.

That was when Aiden stopped feeling.

He didn't feel the weariness of his body as he trekked back to the cave.

He didn't feel the roughness of the stone as he threw off his boots and jacket and sat with his back against the wall, wrapping his fingers through his hair.

He didn't feel the shortness of breath that came with the chest-heaving sobs.

He didn't feel the white-hot tears that flooded from his eyes like a storm.

He didn't feel the hours passing as the evening turned into night.

He didn't feel the blood running down his arms as he tore his old scars open again in the tirade of his mind against his body.

He didn't feel the ache of his throat when he'd yelled into the depths of the mine, running out of ways to express his internal agony.

He didn't feel the soft grass underfoot as, long past midnight, he walked back to Beacontown.

He didn't feel the silence as he had in his weeks of solitude.

He didn't feel the sharp coldness of the small knife he drew from his inventory, nor the fine details of the carved handle.

All he was aware of was the now-overwhelming desire to be gone.

No more feeling. No more failure. No more. No more.

The first time he'd tried this, he'd been found. Lukas- of course it had to be Lukas -had discovered him curled up desolately in his room, only seconds after the cuts had been made.

No one would save him tonight. Even if he was found before he bled out, there wasn't anyone left who would care enough to save him.

He used to think things like that all the time, whenever the more dismal aspects of life started to wear him down. But this time, he was in a different enough state of mind to know that it was true, not just a demon of his imagination.

The dim moonlight didn't do the likeness of the Order's amulet justice. In the sun, the different colours shone like joyful eyes, but they were nothing more than hunks of glass here in the darkness.

Aiden dropped to his knees, tilting his head back to look at the sky. The stars did not care who he was or what he'd done. He was just another stupid human being, making stupid decisions and getting worked up by stupid things.

He was done here.

He hardly even felt it as he pulled the Potion of Decay from his inventory, uncorked it, and downed the contents in one swallow.

He hardly even felt it as he dragged the knife down his forearms. Twice on each- a smaller cut across the wrists, to give him a chance to feel the blood, and then a pair of life-ending slashes.

He hardly even felt it as he sunk the blade into his stomach, twisting the handle in as far as it would go. He was just that far gone.

Aiden yanked the knife out of his gut, pale hand shaking wildly as he lifted the blade and watched his own blood drip off it. The gore on the knife was bright as roses, but the liquid pouring onto the ground was so much darker.

Red obsidian, he thought hazily.

He collapsed then, falling sideways. He couldn't breathe, and didn't want to anyway.

It's over now. It's done. It's over. You're finished.

No more failure.

You finally get to rest.