i'm loving, but who could love me?

"thank you."

"thank you."
song without words, op 109 -yo-yo ma.

i think of all of the things
that will never have an equilibrium in this life
love is one, but that will never be a problem
because if love is genuine
spite
hatred
negativity
runs dry

at the end of the day
when i close my eyes
i feel satisfied
knowing that all that i am
is enough

because all that i am
is all that i can be

the hatred
will no longer
murder me

songs and sounds
colors and small things

and even
i see
the hatred will never be
equivalent

if it were
what stories of mine
would be left to read?

scars are left
but scars are scars
they don't bleed
not like before

everyday was a walking scale of judgment
my heart
was an open sore

if i could
i'd go back and say one thing
i'd tell myself to breathe
for once
and stop worrying
about every little thing

i cannot fix the world
but i can try

do good
and good will come to you

do bad?
what is the use in that?
to be insufficient
in a life where you don't get things
twice

why choose bad?
when you can always be good?
even when things fall apart
it's never too late to change

and we do change
every second
every minute of the day

there is no blame
in that

so will me to be
bad?
never

i will always try
to be my best

even if the best i can be
is only half of what i used to be

it is my own effort
in change

i have not felt death
with this hole in my chest
where love used to be
yet i seal my debt
and murder the girl i used to be each day

to be someone
that is unfamiliar to me
kind effort
and gratitude
is the only thing
i want
in my memory

sure i am haunted by the past
but it goes away
memories are phantoms of the mind
our worst and best dreams
dramatized to each feeling

i will not fall subject to
only hatred
only fear
only bitterness

i will be kind
i will be brave
i will be sweet

because there is no instruction to living
but if i must
if i am blessed enough to stay
even after
i tried to take my own breath away

it is for a reason
there is a reason why we all stay
little chain reactions in our lives conceive with another's
you may be someone's reason to smile
and you might barely know each other

doing good, with a whole heart full of meekness and understanding will lead you to your own self pride
not pride in greed
pride in knowing