The story of a young muslim girl, named Mahnoor, who thinks that covering up, in Islam, is a form of oppression, imposed by the male dominant society. However, As she matures from being a girl to a woman, she learns, more about the religion, and ev...
After the burial, my mind was still stuck on my mother's words, when she had said that she wanted to ask for forgiveness from Mahnoor, for having wronged her. My mind was constantly, reprimending me, for the intention of seeking revenge from her and giving her, fresh wounds, that gave her, all the more reason to hate us.
This continous reminder was driving me crazy, so I decided to go to Mahnoor's house and tell her, that I was responsible for the entire mess and hence she should not hold anything against my mother. I might be the worst person on the face of this earth, but I loved my mother dearly, and could not live with the guilt that, my mother , should be blamed for my deeds after, she had passed away.
When I reached the gate of her house, it was 11 pm, the gate was open, so I entered inside, and started walking across the garden to reach the house, when I experienced some difficulty walking, due to my open shoe laces, I bowed to fix them.
This was when, I saw a woman in burqa and hijab, pacing toward the main door, at first I thought of speaking to her, telling her that I wished to meet Mahnoor, But her pace quickened with the sound of my footsteps maybe, and she turned back to check, I hid behing the near by tree thinking, that if she started screaming, due to fright, things will get problematic, due to the darkness, I could not see her face, but she sure was scared, for she turned back and sprinted to the main door.
Though I was sad for not being able to meet Mahnoor, I thought it would be better, to meet her, some other time, which is more appropriate. For the morning incident would be fresh in her mind, and there was less likelihood of her having even, an ounce of sympathy for me or my late mother. The lady in the burqa had closed the gate, so I had to jump over it, to leave the premises.
When I reached home, every corner of the house was reminding me of my mother. I went to her room, and sat on her bed, everything in the room, reminded me of her, her water cup, her shawl, her glasses, her wheelchair and her diary. For as long as I remember, she used to capture both her pain and joy in the pages of her diary.
I opened the diary and read the last entry:
23 June 2014,
'Today I overheard Aiza and Kashaan, arguing about something, when Kashaan brought the topic of Mahnoor. I know, now Aiza will enquire about her and Kashaan would know, I had lied to him. He would then hate me. How will I face my son, when he knows, that I went against my own teaching of truthfulness.
I know , I have wronged all three of them and maybe also Mahnoor's husband, who would be suffering like my beloved Aiza, without any fault of his. I wanted my son to have a pious wife, though my intention was good, how could I have expected my son to live happily, when my lies had caused, innocents souls to suffer.
Today I am reminded of the day, when on the day of eid al Adha, Kashaan and his father were sitting in the sehen of the masjid and his father was making dua, and he sat beside him, with his hands also raised, but his eyes were somewhere else, I was taking to a friend of mine, at a distance, when she brought to my attention to this. My son who had just entered his teens, was staring at a girl, dressed up for the occasion, walking towards her car, with her family. Though I found it amusing, when Kashaan father noticed the same, he covered his eyes with his hand.....
Kashaan had understood, what had happened and he looked down ashamed. When we returned home Kashaan father, asked him to get the holy Quran and asked him to read loudly the verses regarding lowering gaze, that day I felt his father was being a little too strict with him, but had I known that an unlawaful glance had the power to deviate him from the right path and leave him discontent with his spouse.
I would surely have appreiciated his father, when he said to me that, one should hurry to eradicate the bad and instill the good in his offspring, lest the bad strengthens and grows and engulfs their heart.'
*******
These words of her brought back a lot memories, the memories of that Eid day, the day when I first saw Mahnoor at the fresher's party, and also the day I had conspired against her, with these memories came a splitting migrane and a lot of tears, of love for my parents and regret for not being a good son, or let alone being a good person, that they could be proud of. I had clearly let down my parents and their upbringing.
These thoughts, were making me restless, I checked the medicine box for some painkillers, but most of them seemed to have expired, as they were bought 3 years ago. I walked out of the room and went downstairs to call a servant from his quaters, so he might get me some painkillers. This was when I fell from the stairs, my head hit the railing, and that was the last thing I remember.
When I regained consciousness, my head was bandaged and Aiza was sitting beside me on a chair, fast asleep. I could not help but observe her, the past 3 years of being a single mother, had surely had a toll on her, she seemed tired and weak. In her sleep, her head was tilted in an uneven position. So, I lifted her head and tried to place a pillow under it.
She woke up with a start and said 'Ms sadia, who now worked as a cook in the house, lived with her in a sharing appartment for the past 3 years, and when she came to work after fajr, she found me near the stairs and called her.' She tried to get from the chair, but tripped.I held her and she said 'thank you', she looked up into my eyes, then moved away, as if scared.
She then said, 'Since you are fine now, I shall leave now, I will ask one of the servants to be with you, if you need anything, your breakfast is on the table and beside it, are your medicines.' As she said this, I could not help but stare at her with awe, ' she was caring for me, her husband, who was in relationship with another woman and ousted her, for something that was not her fault.
She turned to leave, but I held her hand, it was burning hot with fever, I told her, ' You cannot leave, you promised ami jaan, to give her granddaughter a complete and happy family, so from today you and your daughter, will be living here, now go to your room and rest I will send some medicines you are having a fever.' I said in a decisive tone. At first she looked at me surprized, the left the room without another word, I stood on the doorstep of the room, and saw that she went to the room as she was told. Bestowing upon my restless and guilty heart found, some peace.It seemed as though, I was drowing in a sea of guilt and did not know, how to swim to the shore.
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