01 | Anika

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Some days,
I feel everything at once.
Other days,
I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from the thirst.

- o.m

the girl who lost everything

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the girl who lost everything

the girl who lost everything

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           She gazed at the sky and saw the stars. It was like a beautiful blanket above her head with silver sequins. She smiled, she was no longer in the shadow of her past and the hatred for the world she felt when everytime she couldn't breath faded away into the darkness. It was only the stars, the moon and her.

The wind was chill, Anika wrapped her arms around her and pulled her knees into her chest. She was a tapestry of scars, each having a story of its own. It reminded her that she was healing from the darkest and deepest wounds, they were a sign of her survival.

The night sky was the most beautiful art she has ever seen. It was only when the night fell to reveal the stars, she breathed a little deeper and the little girl who asked her dad to reach the stars for her returned to her soul.

Like any girl of her age, she wished to be beautiful, be free and little wild, travel the world and make her dream a reality. But now all she wished was that not any girl had the same fate as her.

Alone. Lost. Broken.

The soft kisses of her mother, the loving teddy bear hugs of her father and the annoying yet cute antics of her little sister. Anika missed it all, she would do anything to go back to the days when she was loved by her family. And she did. She did try to leave everything behind and live with them, even if it was six feet under.

The crescent-shaped scar on her wrist reminded her of the day she tried to write an ending for her life. But she failed, the same foster mom who had called her a bonehead and a burden have taken her to the hospital, only to tell this to every person she came across as if she was a fairy-tale heroine and her adopted daughter was a freak.

A lone tear escaped from her right eye. Then another. And another. Until the silver beads raced down her cheeks like a waterfall. Little by little, the walls that held her up, made her strong and hid her from the prying eyes of society collapsed.

"Why?" Anika whispered, her body trembled with silent sobs as she bit her tongue to stop crying, "What have I done wrong to be at the end of this? I am losing my mind, it is pathetic but I can't fight forever."

It was too much.

The feelings, the pain, the abuse, the thoughts, and everything killed her inside without stopping her heartbeat.

Sometimes, she would feel happy for a while, like she was okay or she will be okay soon but then she would be reminded of everything that had happened in her life and all the hope in her will lose its magic of healing.

Anika was tired of everything. She was tired of getting hurt. She was tired of the lies. She was tired of not being good enough. She was tired of feeling homeless when she had a home, the walls only echoed her cries when her foster parents hurt her physically and mentally, with their cruel words. She was tired of being broken beyond repair, judged, hopeless, damaged, worthless, and not being the perfect person the society wanted her to be.

She was tired of being Anika, the girl who lost her family and was an orphan.

She looked at the moon, "Is it too much to wish for a happy life? Am I asking too much? All I need is a little love from some people who would be there for me and would be a certain light in this world filled the darkness. I am not asking to bring my family back, you can't do it and you are too kind that you will not take me to them too. I just -" Her voice cracked, she put her hand over her mouth, she couldn't form words, it was too hard. Everything was too hard.

She chuckled dryly, tears spilling down her face, "Maybe, I am a star who doesn't belong to the sky. Who belongs to another constellation and the silver droplets from her eyes help her to shine in the darkness. But I don't want to be like this, I didn't choose this life. I want to be one of the stars that shine bright and is gazed with admiration by everyone. I want to lead others with my light but how can I when I am a hidden star who herself don't know which piece of her broken heart she should follow."

Anika took a deep breath, blinking tears from her eyes, they were the color of hot cocoa with flecks of hazelnut."It is always going to be like this, isn't it?" She sadly smiled at the sky, "I know. And it is time to say goodbye and wear my michmichi mask and go back to being khidkitod Anika, the one who pretends like she doesn't give a damn about anything and everything. The queen shall survive and won't let her crown slip ever just because shit happens." She waved and the stars blinked at her.

But little did she know, she was what the universe and stars wished for. She was the moon, hiding her darkness and living like everything was stardust.

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thank you for the lovely banner, krishi. It is amazing and beautiful ❤️ BlackManiacx

I royally ignored this book and writing for ages now. Read the preface once again - it is a glimpse of what's happening in their life. I don't know if it meets your expectations. comment your honest thoughts. Stay blessed, sprinkle kindness and happiness everywhere.

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