Believer ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 25: Depth

I stared at the drawing I had been working on. It was another piece I had been inspired to create after drawing Professor Ackerman back when he filled in. Honestly, as I scanned it, I felt it was lacking. Mainly because it didn't seem like the correct build for what I was envisioning.

So, I turned to a blank page and got to work. The lead of my pencil scratched the paper, leaving behind traces of its existence. I began to sketch small lines until a form began to take shape. It was a man's frame. I drew him with long limbs sculpted of lean muscles and deep abdominal valleys. I made his features sharp and fierce. I kept at it until I began to add details of tattoos on him.

Jean. I was drawing Jean.

How...how the hell? I swallowed. There's no way I drew him. But, sure enough, as I stared down at the picture before me, it became painfully obvious. The build...the keen features...the tattoos...the stare. It was all so clear. I had been drawing him the whole time. It wasn't just some random image I had concocted in my head. It was him...there was no mistaking it.

I chewed on my lips. It was all becoming ridiculous. Jean was beginning to occupy too much of my thoughts -far, far, far too much. It was almost as if I was obsessing over him without intentionally doing so. And, believe me when I say this, I didn't want to. I prayed that I could peel him out of my thought and disassociate him from everything I had began to link with him. I didn't want to see his smile in my thoughts...I didn't want to imagine how his jaw flexed whenever he swallowed...and I sure as hell didn't want to think about more scandalizing scenarios that never occurred. I wanted and needed to forget all about all of Jean Kirstein...at least that was what I told myself.

Stupid fucking horse face. I snarled internally. Why do you have to do this to me? Huh? This isn't fair. I wrapped my arms around myself and lowered my chin onto them. Why can't you just stay out of my head? I was genuinely frustrated and upset, though mainly at myself. I felt so dirty allowing someone besides Kellen the opportunity to reside in my thoughts. That was just wrong.

But, as I stared at that picture, it felt so right.

I let out a huff and began to gather my things. I didn't feel like spending my whole evening in the SU drawing. In fact, I had to get back to my dorm, so I could study for one of my lesser favorite classes. College meant more freedom, but that didn't mean I didn't have to take at least one math class. I knew I should have taken AP math back in high school.

I had just finished collecting all my belongings when I heard a husky voice sigh, "Ice girl, can we talk?"

I glanced up, my heart dropping the minute I heard his voice. Jean was standing there, one of the straps of his backpack secured on his shoulder and his gaze on mine. Honestly, I had never seen him look so...dejected and broken down. His expression was troubled with dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't been sleeping well and his shoulders slouched. His clothes appeared to hang from his frame awkwardly as opposed to usually looking put together. All in all, he didn't look like the Jean I knew.

And I guess that's why I swallowed, "Okay, but keep it quick. I need to study."

He nodded in agreement and shuffled to the chair closest to me. He slid down into it and plopped his bag onto the floor. I observed him, almost too scared to search too much. I was honestly anxious. I wanted to pry him out of my mind and there I was...just casually talking to him as if he hadn't been the reason I fucked the hell out of my boyfriend the last time we 'chatted'.

"So," I continued, sucking in my cheeks. "You wanted to talk?" I held a finger at him, quickly adding, "If it's about Kellen, then I don't wanna hear it. I've heard enough about how he's such a horrible, horrible monster."

He held his hands up defensively and breathed, "Chill. I've given up on that. You can lead a horse to a well, but you can't force it to drink the water." He dropped his arms back onto the table and huffed, "Besides, what I have to say is more about my actions the other day." He breathed in a hardy breath and continued, "I...I shouldn't have said or done any of those things. I completely disrespected your relationship and personal space. I'm sorry about that."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to hear those words and take them as the truth, but I knew better than that. He wasn't sorry...at least, not for what he claimed to be apologetic for. I could see through him and I saw the truth. Just like me, he had wanted more to happen that night, but seeing how beat up he was over the whole thing, I knew I could only do one thing.

"Don't worry about it," I dismissed, clutching onto my bag. "It's whatever, really." Lie.

He scanned me quickly before sighing, "Ya know, who are we kidding? Neither of us are buying this BS." He shook his head, scratching the back of his neck, laughing halfheartedly, "We both know that this is just a lame ass excuse for me to talk to you, and we both know I'm not sorry."

His fiery stare boarded into mine, sincerity sprawling across his features. He was being honest and he was right. We both knew he was just making some reason to talk to me. I knew that...and I knew I should have thought of that first.

I chuckled, "And the truth comes out." I leaned forward. "Then what's really on your mind."

He opened his mouth to talk when his phone went off, grasping his attention. He dug into his pocket and fished out his mobile device. I watched as he opened it to whatever notification it was that had sounded when his eyes widened. As if he hadn't already looked beaten enough, whatever he received was doing a number on him. I thought his eyes would pop out of their sockets and what looked like a tear formed in the corner of one of them.

Confused and baffled by his sudden silence, I pressed, "Jean? What's wrong?"

"E-Eren," he stuttered, his gaze meeting mine. "H-he just t-texted me."

Still confused, I asked, "Okay. And? What'd he say?"

It took him a moment, but he finally swallowed, "Something happened to Marco."

**Bello my sweet lovelies. Won't lie, this was another chapter that kicked my ass. The sucky part is that this is one I've had planed since book one and it still was hard to type. But, what can ya do about that? Now, I will say this; I don't know how many chapters remain, but I know this book will most likely not be as long as the other. That said, don't worry! There will be a third and details for that will be announced in the epilogue of this one. So, fear not. In the meantime, what do y'all think happened to Marco? Let me know! Thank you so freakin' much for everything! Y'all are dolls! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross