The Secret Journal Of Sarah Walden (Lesbian Story)

The Extreme Anxiety Of My First Date

September 15th 2013

Hey guys, so this guy in school asked me out on a date, his name is Steven Parker. He has been talking to me for a little while now, he always comes up and asks how I am and I tell him that I'm good, I just didn't really think he was interested in me? I am so excited though, he's really lovely and interesting plus he's gorgeous.

He came over to me and asked if I was busy on Sunday, that's today, and I said no because I wasn't, I think I genuinely thought he was just wondering.

Then he asked me to go out for dinner with him and go to see a movie, I was completely shocked, I couldn't believe a guy literally came up and asked me out. "Yeah, of course I will." "Cool, I'll pick you up at 6 yeah?" "Sure!"

Emma was really interested, when I told her she stared jumping around and she looked really genuinely excited, she said if I wanted he could probably be my boyfriend which excited me too because I hadn't ever had an opportunity to have a boyfriend before, and I honestly did like Steven I just didn't think he would be into me as well because no one is ever interested in me.

I have to go and get ready guys! it's 4:30 and Emma is coming over to help me with my clothes and hair. I'm gonna start calling her Em so don't get confused when I start saying that.

Bye guys I love you!

Hello my little babies!

Tonight was so much fun, I really really enjoyed it, Steven is really funny and he's smart too so we had a great time and he told loads of jokes, he took me out to a restaurant called Bella, and it was a really beautiful restaurant, the interior was brown and really modern, and there was a glass bar at the front, I ordered chicken pasta and when the waiter left Steven told me that I looked beautiful tonight and then felt awkward and said that it's not that I don't always look beautiful but just even more tonight, I thanked him and giggled a little.

When the food came Steven started cracking little jokes and I'll admit they were actually really funny, then he asked me things like where I was born and asked about my neighbourhood, all the boring stuff you need to know to get to know someone. When we left he told me to pay up, I was taken aback because I didn't know I was paying, he just laughed and rubbed my shoulder and put his money down on the bill, thank god it was a joke cause I couldn't afford that place.

We went to the cinema to see the second Kick-Ass movie, Emma tells me that I look a bit like Chloe Grace Moretz but I don't see it.

It was amazing, and during the movie Steven slyly held my hand, I felt really good to just be with him, so I have him a reassuring squeeze, so he pulled me in and let me lay on his shoulder, it made the whole movie experience feel better for me and I felt really safe with him,

I never wanted this movie to end

It did though, as they all do. I had to force myself to get off of his shoulder and actually walk out of the cinema, when we sat in the car he asked how it was and I told him that I really enjoyed it because I did. He said that was good and he was really nervous about tonight but he was glad that it turned out well, I was so happy that I had such a good time with him, I really hope he asks me out again. he gave my arm a quick squeeze and then turned on the car engine, when he dropped me off he said "Thank you for accompanying me on tonight's ventures lil' lady" and I giggled, okay I laughed, alot, he's really sweet and I really like him.

Okay goodnight pretties! I love you all!!

September 16th 2013

Hello my dear friend(s)

It's Monday and I have school again and I'm really really excited to see Steven in school and I really hope he likes me because I really like him and I really hope he asks me out again because I really want to go on another date with him.

I bought the movie "The Perks of being a Wallflower" after school today and I think I'm gonna watch it with Emma, also HE ASKED ME ON ANOTHER DATE!

He wants to go tomorrow and he wants to go to the beach, so I had to buy a new bikini today as well which Emma helped me pick out, we are meeting there at 5 o'clock tomorrow and I really can't wait, I hope he asks me to be his girlfriend soon because that's what I want, oh and in other news, the song Radio from Born to Die is most definitely my favourite and Lana has really grown on me, also I started using this new website called tumblr and you get to make your own blog, I think I will 'reblog' lots of photos of Lana and maybe some pretty ones of the sky and stuff. I hope you all had an amazing day and stay awesome!!!!

Bye bye❤️

So guys I am going to tell you the personal thing that emma told me, she told me that she self harms and it's been getting better lately, I'm really worried about her though, she's got a really beautiful heart and I don't think she deserves to put herself through this, I really hope I can help her to get better with it because I would like to make an impact on her life the way that she did on mines, she told me that she covers it up with bracelets and when they scar she uses makeup on them. I'm worried in case she starts to get bad again, the way she was in Florida because I haven't ever met anyone who self harms so I don't know how I should go about it, her parents don't know and not really anyone else but me. I'm honoured that she told me but I'm also freaking out incase she isn't okay,

The perks of being a wallflower was amazing by the way, I think I will read the book, I love Charlie so much and I love him and Sam together on tumblr you say that you 'ship' a couple, well I ship Charlie and Sam together.

Goodbye all of you gorgeous people, please if you ever do decide to self harm try your hardest to put it off because the feeling will go away and if it doesn't try doing some activities instead. I love you all, be safe okay?

September 25th 2013

I went on another date with Steven and then he asked me if I would be his girlfriend, I was so happy because for one he was actually expressing an interest in me which was really exciting because i wasn't used to anyone liking me never mind boys actually wanting to be in a relationship with me, and two because I really liked him back and I was dying for him to ask and now that he has I'm really really happy, Emma said she was super happy for me too because things were finally starting to pull together, also even more good news, it has been 7 days since emma last self harmed, I feel so proud of her and I want to be there every step of the way to help her get through it, I want her to know that I'm always there for her you know?

Yesterday was a really nice day so Emma and I hung out at the mall and got a pizza for dinner, we sat on the massage chairs for like half an hour and we got our nails done.

Our exams are coming up soon and I'm really anxious, I think I have to start studying because it's September already and they start in January, wish me good luck guys! I love you all so much❤️

P.S - I have been really considering everything and I really love writing so I was thinking about trying really hard in English and trying to become an author when I'm older, it would be so much fun, I hope I'm not aiming too high.