Don't You? (Drarry)

Chapter 34

Hermione sat at the kitchen table of her and Ron's home with Pansy Parkinson. "What exactly did you owl me to come here for?" Parkinson said looking around. Hermione sighed softly looking down. "You're one of Draco's best friends, and I've grown to care for him. I'm worried he may not deal well if Harry..." she trailed off not being able to finish the sentence. Pansy rubbed her thighs leaning forward a bit. She knew Hermione was right. Draco was already a mess. He'd shown up at her house numerous times seeking comfort and help already. He never stayed too long, worried something might go wrong with Harry. He hadn't fallen apart just yet is how Pansy thought of it.  "So what are we going to do about it Granger?" Hermione had thought about what they could do a lot. She of course already had the answer, but needed Pansy's help. "I was thinking maybe a support group, you know for people with partners who have cancer. However there's no way Draco will agree to that without some persistence and persuasion from a friend, a best friend." Pansy scoffed slightly at that. As if Draco would go to therapy. Hermione shook her head quickly. "No hear me out Parkinson. I think it might be good for him. Better than what he's doing, and after if Harry doesn't make it. Maybe he could go to grief counseling. I just think it would help him learn to start letting go." Pansy was slightly shocked about how much care Hermione was showing towards someone she hated so much before. So she agreed she'd try her best. What else could she have done?

An hour or so later she apparated over to Harry and Draco's with all the papers her and Hermione had printed out. She knocked on the door already dreading the conversation that was sure to happen. After a couple of minutes Harry finally answered the door. Dishivelled and rushed looking. "Well no need to question what you two were doing." He blushed lightly letting her in. "Always a pleasure Parkinson. He'll be down in a second." They went to the kitchen and Harry put on a kettle. Draco came in a few seconds later looking no better than Harry. "Did I interrupt?" Pansy said with a smirk. Draco raised an eyebrow at her. "You think it took him a few minutes to get dressed? Now what do you want?" Pansy rolled her eyes taking a cup of tea from Harry. She took a long sip letting it burn her mouth. Was she really going to be the insane one to suggest this? She sighed heavily setting her cup down. "Granger and I were talking." Harry looked shocked at that, as did Draco. "Don't get your knickers in a bunch, it was about you." She set the papers on the table in front of him. "It's a support group, for people with partners who have cancer. We think you should go. Maybe just to try it." Draco scoffed pushing the papers away shaking his head. Harry looked at him though. He looked with those silent begging eyes. Draco remembered Harry's drunk rant for the 50th time. He sighed heavily looking back over the papers. Pansy almost smirked in victory, Hermione should have known to use Harry. Harry had Draco completely whipped, and all he had to do was make a face to get what he wants. "This sounds ridiculous and depressing." The Slytherin said as he read about the group. Harry chuckled a little as he spoke. "Then you should fit in well Malfoy." Draco glared over at the Gryffindor. He knew he was going to go. At least once, just for Harry's sake.

So two days later Draco sat in a medium sized room with a bunch of muggles he didn't know. In a plastic chair that with the other chairs formed a circle. "We have someone new joining us today so why don't we take this time to introduce ourselves. I'm the group leader Isaiah." The man who seemed to be in his forties with a small earring said. He was obviously the leader seeing as he was holding a clipboard. Next to him a woman started speaking. "I'm Rehya, I'm 29, and my husband has lung cancer. I have a daughter named Eisley who is four, and we've been married for 7 years." She had dark brown hair, and was quite attractive for being 29. The man next to her sighed heavily sitting up a bit. He was heavily tattooed and had many piercings. He reminded Draco of Sirius in a way. "I'm Luke, I'm 26, and my boyfriend has Leukemia. We've been dating for 3 years." There were three more people before it got to Draco. Grace whose girlfriend has colon cancer, John whose significant other has pancreatic cancer, and Lyla whose wife has breast cancer. "I'm Draco, I'm 23, and my boyfriend has Glioblastoma." Some of them looked a little confused, and he realized not a lot of people knew it by name. He hadn't until Harry. "Brain cancer. We've been together around 7 months, and known each other since we were eleven." Quite a few people looked at him curiously. Isaiah told him he could share whatever he felt like sharing if they asked questions beforehand. "Why'd you wait so long to get together?" Draco smiled a little at that. "We didn't get along very well, until recently. Kind of "hated" each other." Rehya looked at him with a small smile. Luke leaned forward to ask him another question. "How long has he known?" Draco knew it would be asked. He didn't know how, but he did. "9 months. Yes he knew before we got together, and no I didn't find out until 4 months later. Even if I had known though I wouldn't change anything." Lyla rolled her eyes obviously not believing him. Draco had found her to be quite the pessimist in all honesty. "Yeah right, you're telling me you wouldn't change it? As if." Draco met her eyes and almost saw her as a challenge. "Would you change knowing your wife?" She looked down her black hair covering her face. Draco could tell she wouldn't, even if she hadn't of proved him right.

"You seem a bit hostile towards being here Draco, why is that?" Isaiah questioned the Slytherin. Draco leaned back fiddling with his thumbs. He only had to be here once. Just for Harry's sake, and then he could walk out and never step foot in another group again. "I don't want to be here. I don't need everyone telling me that I'll have to move on. I don't have to accept that he probably won't make it. I sure as hell don't want everyone watching me waiting for me to fall apart when he's not even gone." Isaiah looked at Draco silently for a few moments. Draco's rant had silenced the whole room, and now it seemed as if no one knew what to say. Grace glanced over at him. She was shy, that much was obvious. She didn't seem to have a lot of opinions, at least none that she was very vocal about. Draco could tell from her introduction, she was one to observe more than be observed. "You're going to fall apart. It's inevitable, whether it's when he's in the hospital again or when he just smiles at you like you're his everything. From his point of view, dying so soon while being in love with you isn't bad. On your side though you have years left, everyone who cares about you just doesn't want to see you miserable. He doesn't want to die knowing you'll never care for another person the way you care for him. Why is that so wrong? Would you want him to grieve you for the rest of his life if the tables were turned? To hold on so tight that he'd never let you go? Would you want him to go through what you want for yourself?" Draco thought about how he had planned to "move on". He thought about how he would feel if it were Harry planning it instead. He understood now why Harry didn't want him to have so much hope towards saving him. It would kill Draco if he were the one sick to know that Harry would be stuck loving someone not around. "You don't have to move on anytime soon, and you can tell him you won't overnight. Eventually though Draco if he doesn't make it, you have to let him go."

Draco came home that night feeling indifferent. He found Harry in living room next to the fireplace with a cup of tea. He stood quietly at the doorway. "Ah, ah, hot, hot." The raven spoke spitting the liquid back in the cup. "Tea tends to be hot love." The Slytherin said with a smile. Harry jumped slightly, but surprisingly kept from spilling his tea. He halfheartedly glared at the blonde as he set the cup on the fireplace. He stood walking over kissing Draco softly. "So how was it?" He imagined they were on the verge of a serious talk with a nickname like love involved. So he took Draco's hand and sat with him the couch. They sat quietly for a few moments, Harry could tell Draco was in deep thought even as he cuddled close to him. "I love you. I'm in love with you, and that's why I understand why you want me to be able to let go. I'm not saying I'm going to run off and buy a house with the first fit guy I see, but eventually I'll probably let someone else in." Harry looked at him with a small smile. "I love you too, but what changed?" Draco played with Harry's hair as he looked in his eyes. "I was asked what if it was me instead. I'm selfish with everything, so you'd think I'd want you to grieve forever and never find better. Yet that's exactly what I wouldn't want. I couldn't stand to know you would do everything I planned to do. So for now, it's an I love you and I'll learn to let you go. Not yet, not unless you're gone. Until then I'm not letting anything go." Harry smiled softly, almost sad as he kissed the corner of Draco's mouth. "So I take it you're going back next week?" Draco rolled his eyes, but nodded slowly as if tired. So Harry pushed him a little so he was laying down and laid right next to him. They both fell asleep the most at peace they had in months. Not a single nightmare entered their subconscious, as they slept in each others arms. Then again their lives had become quite the nightmare themselves.