Inside Voices ▷ Bruce Banner | ✓

17 - A HUMAN NOT A PERSON

SHE WAS ENJOYING HER VIRTUAL SCHOOL. She found that, whenever she wasn't spending time with anyone, she was pulling out her tablet which was practically glued at her side to start working, learning more complex math and grammatical rules beyond conversational rules that were taught to her by the others who wanted her to learn how to speak more than two sentences at a time. She learned more than she needed, and it was all she ever wanted.

"What are we learning today?" Clint asked, bounding over to sit on the armrest, peering over her shoulder to see what she was doing.

She smiled as she showed him the math she was learning—she was skipping through elementary school education quickly, but Tony warned her that high school and college would be much more time consuming. Clint smiled and leaned forward, mumbling to himself as he tried to figure out the answer, pressing one of the buttons and shouting with triumph when it turned green.

"I'm a genius," he proclaimed, and Steve laughed, the blond having taken to sitting next to her and doodling, though he often studied history with her when she did, as he had missed a good chunk of history when he had stopped living through it.

While she had taken to learning as much as she could, and it was working, she couldn't help but think back to who she was as a person—or lack thereof. 

Even though she had adjusted well to the Tower, no longer afraid of what they would do to her should she say something wrong, she now had to worry about what she would do to them. 

She had yet to start dreaming, but she would often have thoughts, while she was getting ready for the day or eating her food by herself, of hurting the people in the Tower. She didn't want to, but she couldn't keep her thoughts at bay, and found herself constantly worried about the safety of the people around her.

She had killed people. She had hurt them. Serum or no, the blood was on her hands, she was still the one who hurt them. That wasn't going to change. 

More still, she wasn't sure if her mutations were all gone now that the serum was no longer in place. What had been detoxed was her compliance, her synthesized mutations could still be in place, but she didn't want to mention them to anyone; she didn't want them to change their minds.

So she kept quiet, sitting with Natasha and Clint as they continued to search for her masters, and she wasn't even sure if she wanted them to be found; she just wanted to move forward with her life, whatever she had of it.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder if all the work being put into keeping her alive was worth it; maybe it would be better for everyone if she was simply allowed to die.

"Hey," Arabella called, breaking her out of her reverie.

She looked up to find the girl stepping into the room, though she didn't look as cheery as she normally did, turning her attention to her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, shrugging lightly. "Yes, why?"

"I don't know, there's just...something. Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, and she wondered if, perhaps, Arabella was aware of her thoughts and was worried for the safety of everyone in the Tower.

But it seemed as though she was worried for her rather than of her, and that gave her some form of comfort, but that soon raised the question of whether or not she should voice her concerns about her being allowed to stay at the Tower. 

"Well, if you need to talk to someone..." Arabella said lightly, just staring at her, and she wondered if there was something the young woman knew that she wasn't telling anyone else.

º º º

"Bruce, I don't think you should keep trying to save me."

Bruce's hand slipped from where he was going over his notes, a long, painful pen stroke crossing over his paper. He barely paid it any mind, however, instead turning his attention to where she was perched on the table in shorts and another one of his sweaters, her tablet closed on her lap.