Epiphany || Beyoncé x Onika

Struggimento.

(n.)
"A combination of gut-churning misery and yearning..."

~

Sometimes you hate that you feel everything,  you hate that you need validation for certain things, you'd give your last on a silver platter for anyone you love, but when these things aren't returned it hurts...so the question is who's going to save you when you need saving? To do for you without the question being posed?

~

I held my breath as I stepped past Beyoncé and out onto the balcony, my heart was beating so fast I wouldn't be surprised if she could hear it. I tucked myself as far off to the Side as I could so it seemed respectable and not rude. Ever since I was young her presence was always physically overwhelming for me, just knowing she was there was enough to get my anxiety to its highest peak.

I watched as she stepped out onto the balcony, the wind blowing her hair slightly as well as the cardigan she adorned, her beauty was unreal. I don't think I saw an imperfection on her.

"So you were going to come to my house and not speak to me?" Her voice startled me, she was leaned against the balcony, her eyebrows arched as she regarded me waiting for my answer. She was right, I had every intention of coming into her home and not speaking to her, for the simple fact it was all too much.

"I-I...I'm sorry." Was all I could muster out, it was lackluster and less then sufficient in my mind, I was embarrassed to say the least, my mother would have a field day with my ass if she ever knew I'd been in someone's home and hadn't uttered a word until they forced me too.

"No you're not....you're a grown woman now Onika, and quite frankly I'm a little hurt that you haven't moved past this shyness with me." Beyoncé said moving from the railing to take a seat in one of the two chairs that were on the balcony, I was at a loss for words and I felt slick bad until I saw the faint smile on her face.

"I'm just playing babylove, come take a seat." She said and I felt my cheeks blush heavily at the old pet name she use to call me, I hadn't heard it in ages and it made my heart skip a beat, I swear she knew just what to do to fluster me, and it was always with the smallest things.

I took a seat crossing my legs and folding my hands in my lap, my head tilted downwards, a tell that I couldn't really look her in the eyes.

"So how's school going? Jazz tells me you're doing excellent at UCLA." I felt my self blush, Jazz loved to hype me up, but something about Beyoncé knowing made it feel extra special.

"Uh...yea it's going good....uh I-I...like it a lot." I stumbled out letting my eyes slide to her every now and then seeing a smile etched onto be face.

"Communications right?" Beyoncé asked, I looked at her before nodding my head.

"Pretty girlllll and she smart, I love that babylove keep up the good work I have to get you something." Beyoncé teased, a look of admiration on her face, I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my cheeks causing my dimples to pop.

"You don't have to it's okay." I said timidly, just her presence alone was enough of a gift.

"My minds already made up, I use to spoil you and Jazz all the time, but then you stopped coming around for awhile...thought something happened and we made you mad." Beyoncé said and I felt my heart speed up at her mention of my Lack of presence, which seemed unnecessary now because all the feelings I'd spent weeks trying to fight off came tumbling back within only a few minutes of being in her presence.