Epiphany || Beyoncé x Onika

Hiraeth.

(.n)

~

"A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was..."

"It is not the pain, it's who it came from...deep down inside you just wanted to be loved in a way that calms your soul..."

 

I laid my head against the cool window of the car I was in as I watched the moon shine brightly against the ocean, I envied the body of water immensely right now. The waves were rolling calmly, almost as if they were in a perfect peace.

While I was in a state that was anything but that, my mind was in a frenzy right now, constantly replaying the days events over and over in my head, as if my subconscious was trying to make a point out of my conscious mind.

My pride was at it's lowest level, today's situation had flipped into the exact scenario I dreaded.

Guilt.

It had been written all over Beyoncé's face when she had told me she'd called a car for me, but her tone had been even and steady, not giving much confirmation to the look on her face.

I couldn't even look at her, things had become so awkward, but I did mumble a quiet 'thank you', even though she'd all but crushed my heart I couldn't find it in me to be rude. She was still my elder as she so kindly reminded me earlier.

I couldn't even begin to explain how I was feeling, every emotion I was feeling felt foreign to me, but that was to be expected, the headspace I was in was of brand new territory to me, I was dealing with heartbreak in real time.

But there was another side of me that didn't want to consider it that yet, that it was more of a soft rejection, she did kiss me, and she did finally express some of her feelings verbally.

Her words replayed in my head, she said she wanted me and that she knew better, almost as if she'd been holding onto to those feelings much longer then I considered.

I sighed shifting in my seat, the whole situation was beginning to make my head hurt and my heart ache, and worst of all there was really no one I could talk to about it.

"Miss Onika we've arrived at your destination, Pardon me but the gate requires a code for access." The driver said gaining my attention, I looked out the window and we were indeed at the gates leading to my house, I didn't even realize how deep my thoughts had me.

"I'm sorry, it's 3427." I apologized.

"No worries Miss." The driver said as he entered the passcode, the gates opening shortly after, I watched as we drove up the driveway before finally arriving to the steps.

The driver put the car in park and quickly made his way over to my side opening the door and offering a hand.

"Thank you." I said grabbing his hand and stepping out the car.

"The pleasure is mines, would you like me to walk you to the door Miss?" The driver questioned. I thought for a quick minute before I quickly decided against it.