chapter one: the truth hurts
i swing my legs back and forth, sitting on the table as mom and dad joke around. it's sort of sad joking, but it's also telling happy jokes. the kind you tell about someone who's gone to make you less sad.
which is exactly what we're doing.
"zoe? you there? stars to zoe," dad jokes, wrapping an arm around me. i laugh, hugging his midsection.
"yeah, yeah, okay. what was your question, dad?" i reply, sticking my tongue out and laughing.
his eyes are slightly red and mom's have small tears in them.
"your dad's question was if evan is coming over tonight," mom repeats, smiling softly.
at the mention of evan's name, i feel my face go a slight red as i nod. "he is."
immediately after, there's a knock on the door.
mom quickly walks over and opens the door, allowing evan to walk in.
he looks more nervous than usual. he's sweating, shaking, and his face is red.
"evan, what's wrong?" i ask, jumping down from the table and running over to his side.
"alana...alana..s-she...she l-leaked it," he coughs out, rubbing his face aggressively.
i pull his hands away from his face and hold them in mine, furrowing my eyebrows.
"leaked what?" dad asks. evan doesn't answer, he just continues to struggle to breathe.
"oh god...evan...," mom chokes, covering her mouth with her hand. dad rushes to her side, pulling me with him, to see what she's looking at.
the murphys didn't care about connor
no one did
he was alone
shitty family
evan was the only one that cared
i always knew zoe was a bitch
poor connor
i noticed you were gone, connor
fucking stuck up rich white people
i look up from the laptop and hold back a sob. "y-you...what the hell, evan!" i yell, hitting the table with my fist.
"i didn't mean to make it such a mess! i didn't know how far this would go! i stand here, sorry! so damn sorry, and i can't find anything to say! words fail, and i'm sorry! i guess i thought i could be part of a...a real family before...i never had a girl who saw everything in me and focused on the good...somehow! and my dad, he was never around so i never had corny jokes or baseball gloves! my mom's never around, either! she's working so i...," he trails, falling into a whisper. "i didn't have a mom who was there because mom was all that she had to be..."
mom stands up and runs upstairs, choking back sobs as she stumbles. my heart pounds and i feel angry. i feel betrayed.
"and i know this is such a shitty explanation."
"those things you said about connor? they weren't true, were they?" i ask, standing up completely and slamming the laptop shut.
"there is none. nothing i said..."
"fuck you, evan! you fucking asshole! i trusted you! i loved you!" i yell. i run upstairs, finally crying over this whole thing for the first time.
i slam my door shut and all i can hear is dad tell him,"go home, evan. go home." and the slamming of a door.
there are light footsteps on the stairs and a light knock. "zoe?" dad asks.
"go away!" i yell. he places his hand on the door and probably tries to argue, but i hear him walk away instead.
i bite my pillow to keep the sobs from escaping.
"no one cares. evan never fucking cared! he was using connor's death to get into a family because he's so fucking sad!" i yell into my pillow.
i quickly sit up, tears still streaming down my face. i grasp around for my, well..connor's....,ukulele in the dark. i grab and pull it into my lap, strumming slowly.
"so it can be us...
it can be us and only us...
and what came before won't count anymore...
we can try that...
you and me..."
i choke back another sob, one that i can't hold back as it racks my body. i throw my ukulele against the wall, yelling as snot and tears mix along the way.
who needs anyone, anyway?
